The Backhanded Complimenter

There are some people who think they can say anything to you as long as they compliment your face. Most women are used to it; every woman has that one friend who's a backhanded complimenter. Y'know, the chick who'll say, "You're so lucky you could wear those pants. If I wore 'em, they'd make my hips look huge!" or "Oh, you guys are still together after all these years?!" or "Oh this dress?! It's a little big for me, but it'd look great on you!" LOL. Yeah. That chick.

Call it a double standard, but it doesn't really bother me when women do it. I kinda expect it. But when a dude does it, it's a red flag. A huge one.

I recently hung out with a couple (an acquaintance and her new boyfriend) and he kept giving her these compliments-that-weren't-really-compliments. Little subtle jabs here and there that went completely unnoticed by her, like, "This girl is definitely not into salads. She could probably out-eat a few of my guy friends." Did I mention that my acquaintance is a bit chubby? It reminded me of a dude I used to date who was a Backhanded Complimenter.

He'd say stuff like, "My ex had a dress like that, but you fill it out a lot more." Not a bad thing to say, right? But he'd say something like that 10 minutes after I'd commented that I was feeling fat or bloated.

Or when he said, "No your ass is fine. I don't even like big butts, and I'm not really a tit man either!" What, pray tell, is left? Granted, I had been complaining about my lack of ass (a traumatic experience for a Black woman), but I hadn't said a thing about my breasts. Not one word. And which Black man doesn't like big butts?

The kicker was when he said, "I've dated the hot, gorgeous celebrity with the great body. I'm over that. I'm looking for a simple, average woman." Um, thanks? Needless to say, since I was neither simple or average, I decided that I wasn't the chick for him.

What's the worst backhanded compliment you've ever gotten?