My Best Friend's Wedding?

Mary, I'd really planned to answer your question today, but the girl has an emergency.

Lovenbasketball writes:
This an emergency and I need your advice. Would you attend the wedding of an ex? I've been invited by him via email no less (wish there was an rsvp #). We dated when we were 17-22 & remained friends. If yes would you choose to go with a hot date or a girl pal? Please reply and crankyputz your input is more than welcome.

Ahh, the old "should I go to the ex's wedding" dilemma. I got invited to an ex's wedding but I didn't go...not because it was a dilemma, but just 'cos he was trifling. Your attendance depends on a couple things:
1. How you feel about him now.
2. How he feels about you now.
3. His motive for inviting you.

Number 1 and 2 are related. If you have nothing but platonic feelings for him and he has nothing but platonic feelings for you, then you should totally go.

If your feelings are platonic, but his isn't, then don't go. He's trifling for getting married if he has feelings for someone else, and you going to support someone who will ultimately ruin another chick's life because he doesn't love her is kinda whack too.

If you are the one who has the non-platonic feelings, then don't go. Why put yourself through the heartache of seeing him pledge his love to someone else?

Personally, I think there may still be some feelings on both sides. If not, why is it such an emergency whether you go or not and who to bring? And if he wasn't into you, why would he invite you via email and not send you an official invitation like I'm sure other folks have gotten? Maybe it's just me, but I think that wife-to-be is handling the invitations and he's trying to be all 007 about it.

I personally wouldn't go to a wedding I didn't get a formal invite to -- unless no one got a formal invitation. Who wants to be an "oh by the way"? And who invites people to their wedding via email these days? Hmmpfhh!

Which ties into his motive for inviting you: If you're just really good friends, then his fiancee should know who you are as well, right? And you should've gotten an invitation in the mail with RSVP information, right? I'm no mathematician, but something isn't adding up.

Your date depends on whether his bride to be knows your history. If she does, bringing a dude sends a clear message that you're over the groom and you're not trying to make designs on her man. I'm sure that you're probably gonna be the last thing on her mind that day, but it's still a subtle reassurance. Bringing a gal pal could appear like she's there for moral support because you're losing the love of your life. LOL. Just don't go by yourself unless you both have mutual friends who will be there because then you'll have to suffer through the awkward pause after the "I'm the ex" explanation.

When it's all said and done, I think once you don't make a big deal of it and don't freak out about it, then you'll be fine. Ask him how wifey feels about you attending, and if she's cool then go for it...just don't stand anywhere near her when she's cutting the cake.

At least your ex didn't ask you to be in his wedding...(another story for another time).