Agent Provocateur

Sometimes women do things that leave me astounded and amazed that I ended up as one of their gender. I recently had one of those experiences.

Now for those of you who don't know my stance on underwear, lingerie and the like, let me repeat it: I happen to think panties are one of the most wasted manifestations of sweatshop labor ever. Aside for the few days a month where a woman probably needs to wear them (and I know a couple who even go commando during that time, but that's a whole 'nother category of bravery that I won't explore today), panties technically serve no purpose. And if a woman has to wear them, they say the best ones for the cootercoot are cotton, which aren't necessarily sexy, so you might as well go without them anyway. My panty-wearing patterns are pretty much decided by whether I feel like going through that extra step. If it's within reach, I'll slip one on; if not, I go without. NBD.

And I simply do not get the point of lingerie...I mean the shit is coming off in a few minutes, right? And dude will still get turned on whether you're wearing it or not, right? So if both those are true, what really IS the point?

All that being said, I recognize that it's human nature to have a certain number of unnecessary items at any given point. My house is full of 'em. Shit, I have about 3 different toothbrushes that I use concurrently. But if you're gonna have unnecessary shit, I think you should at least be practical about it.

Enter Agent Provocateur. Now I've been hearing about this store for years, but the minute I learned that it was about lingerie and pretty panties, my interest fizzled - until recently when I needed a gift for an old friend who was having her bachelorette party. I decided it would be a good time to check out this Agent Provocateur. I found a cute set, and clicked on the panty for more detail. I saw the price and damn near fell out of my chair. The panty ALONE was $70. One single panty that was not made with gold thread, studded with rare diamonds, or at the very least edible, so someone could at least be able to get a meal in for that price. The bra was $130, and when I saw it up close it wasn't even cute.

As you can imagine, this offended every practical, Hanes-wearing bone in my body. I mean, $70?!? For that price I could get 10 six-packs of nice, comfortable underwear from Hanes; that's 60 pairs of panties for the same price as one! And what kills me is that women are actually buying them to wear for men whose only concern is how quickly they can get the damn thing off.

But what do I know? Every piece of lingerie I own has been bought by my mother.