Agony: An Open Letter to Jamaican Men

rough rider condoms

ag·o·ny [ag-uh-nee] –noun: 1. extreme and generally prolonged pain; intense physical or mental suffering. 2. a term used by some Jamaican men to describe their sexual prowess.

I was recently in Jamaica and saw a television ad for condoms. Rough Riders, to be exact. The slogan was "Ride Rough, Ride Safe" and it was obviously targeted at men (something about the bootylicious women in the ad I just don't think would attract a female audience).

I've always been baffled by some Jamaican men's approach to sex. In songs, they proudly talk about how they make women "bawl", "rail an' kick" and "wince under the agony." Some even have the prowess to use their penises so powerfully that women regurgitate their meals ("horse tonic fi mek she vomit")! Mmm, sexy.

Yet on the other hand, I've never heard a woman say, "Oh yes, I like him to pound me like pimento in a mortar and pestle." or "I don't mind not being able to walk the next day." So where are these men getting the idea that delivering "agony" is what women really want? If men just thought about it logically, which woman do you know who wants her vagina ravaged and tossed about like a zinc roof in a hurricane? Not me.

If you ask me, the true agony for Jamaican women is a dude who will brutalize her vagina won't kiss it.

What say you?