It's Not You, It's Me: How To Say It's Over

So my this entry was inspired by my friend "Pimpalicious" wants to know how to slow the roll with this girl he's been seeing casually for a while. Actually, he wants to know what NOT to say, and being that I've never had a significant relationship, let alone broken up with someone, you can see how I'd be qualified to give advice on this subject. LOL.

But it's all good...I think some things are universal and you don't have to actually be in the situation to know what's offensive. So without further ado, here's a list of things not to say when you're breaking up:

"It's not you, it's me." That's one of the worst things you can say to a person you're trying to stop seeing. Of course it's them! Something about that person (or lack thereof) prompted this course of action, so don't insult their intelligence. Even if you're ending it because you met someone new, the current beau is obviously lacking some quality you find in the new person.

"We can still be friends." So, you just broke up with me and you wanna be friends? If a dude said that to me, he'd better pray there were no sharp utensils around 'cause I'd stab him straight in the eye for that shit. Yes, it's likely we'll be friends down the line, but not right now, so don't even suggest it.

"I'm not right for you." Don't try to be a martyr. The last thing the world needs is another Saint. You are telling a grown-ass person that they don't know what's best for them, you do. Besides, if yall have been seeing each other and you're the same person, how have you realized all of a sudden that you're not right for them? This is really just another way of saying, "I really don't want to be with you, but I'm too much of a punk to say it, so I'm gonna try to be the hero." Bad move.

"I love you, but I'm not in love with you." What does this even mean? Personally, I think it's one of those bullshit cliches that people use that don't mean a thing. Those people who've been in long term relationships will tell you that love is what sustains it, not "in love" whatever that shit means.

"I need to find myself." So all this time we were dating, you were lost and confused? The real you (whoever s/he is) wouldn't date me? Niiiiice. Just what a person who's just been dumped needs to hear.

Tips for a Good Break Up

1. First of all, there are very, very, very few "good breakups". Chances are, feelings are gonna get hurt. Accept it, go in with that attitude and get straight to the point. Don't beat around the bush.

2. Be honest, not cliche. People can usually spot when you're being sincere. Don't say something just because it sounds nice, especially if it isn't true.

3. At the same time, don't go into a breakup with a laundry list of the reasons why you're breaking up. That's like kicking someone when they're already down. Who wants to hear a list of their faults right after they get bad news? You can mention the major reasons (if they did contribute to the break up), but don't nit-pick.

4. If you're breaking up because you met someone new, be honest about it, but don't brag. No one wants to hear that you're leaving them for someone who's better looking, thinner, taller, makes more money, or [insert flattering adjective here].

5. You can still be friends, but maybe not right now. You both need a period away from each other, especially if major feelings were tied up in the relationship. How about saying something like, "I understand that you might not want to speak to me for a while, but I really want to know that you're doing ok, so I'll give you a call."

6. Handle your breakups with class. Try not to get into arguments and bring up past issues, especially if it won't change your mind. Treat the person with respect and dignity, even if they are a lowlife scum-of-the-earth and their actions caused the breakup.

What was the worst breakup line you've ever given/received?

Got a dating/relationship question? Email me and I'll answer it on my blog!