No, Herpes Is Not The Name of a Greek God

C.R., 28
New York, NY

I have been seeing this woman for 5 months. She's unlike any other girl I've ever met: smart, funny and she gets along with my boys. I've never been in sync with someone so much before. It feels like we knew each other since we were kids.

Anyway, a month ago she started getting sick and had to stay home for almost a week. She went to the doctor and they ran all kinds of tests...turns out she has herpes. She came at me like I was the one who gave it to her, but when I got tested I was fine.

I can't lie, I was pissed off because if I didn't give it to her, means she's either cheating right now or she had it from before she met me. Either way it's not looking too good for her right now. She swears up and down that she's been faithful and she's only been with two other guys in her life, the last one over a year before me. But doesn't every girl say they've only been with two guys? I don't know much about herpes, but could she really have had it and not know?

I don't know what to do because on one hand she's shared some very private and embarassing details of her life with me, so I wanna believe that she would've told me about this too. But on the other hand, I'm not trying to go out like a sucker. I really care about this girl, what should I do?


It's funny how many sexually active people don't know shit about herpes. When I had the magazine, a chick wrote in with a similar problem - she'd had herpes for God-knows-how-long, but never had a flare up until she was going through a really stressful time. Thing about her is that she'd actually had regular STD tests, but for whatever reason the herpes had never shown up. She was in a new relationship and her partner tested negative...but he decided to stay with her. I believe they are still together, two+ years later.

Anyway, I digress...yes, it is possible to have herpes and not know. Actually 60% (yeah, you read right!) of people with herpes show no signs of the disease and don't know that they're infected. And condoms don't fully protect against the spread of herpes, either. So your girl may be telling the truth.

So can you have a relationship with someone who has herpes? Sure! I mean, if you really think about it, the human body is a walking, germ-ridden, petri dish. There are countless amount of diseases you could possibly contract just by leaving your house. For all you know, you could have some unknown disease that you passed on to your previous sexual partners (like HPV, for example). Point is, everytime you're intimate with someone - even if you use a condom - you run the risk of catching something. The only way to avoid that is to become a monk and live in a cave in the middle of a forest somewhere.

But this really isn't about herpes, is it? It's really more about trust and whether you'll choose to believe your girl. Go with your instincts; I think you've been around her long enough to know whether she's capable of dogging you like that. There's really only two outcomes to this: either you decide that she's a no-good heifer and kick her to the curb or you decide to give it a try and see where it goes. You know her better than I do. Write a sista back and let me know how it turns out!

(P.S. Not all women say they've been with two guys...I actually give my real number...but then again, it's pretty low and unembarassing...LOL)

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