Trying To Sleep In The Bed You've Made

A, 23
Hoboken, NJ

I have this problem, well I don't know if it's a problem or something is just wrong with me. But I can't have sex in bed. For some reason I don't get excited as much, and if I do manage to enjoy it it's just not as good. I could be having sex on the couch, or on the floor and the minute I move to the bed, it's like something is lost. Crazy right? I can sleep in bed though.

Of course the guys that I've been with like that I'm willing to do it on the toilet, in the car, in the LIRR train bathroom, on the floor and all these weird places. But after the first few times, they all want to know why we never do it in bed. It's been hard for me to have a long-term relationship because I don't want people to think I'm crazy, so I usually just break things off before it can get to the point where I have to explain this. What should I do?


I read about this one time in a medical journal; they have a name for people like you - they're called weirdos...LOL. Sorry, bad joke. I'm entitled to one every now and then. (I probably just sent you over the edge with that one.) I dunno how you do it. Yes, it's good to try something fun every now and then, but after a while, I'd think it would be physically uncomfortable to have sex in some of the places you have. Not to mention it might also develop another behavior that you'll be writing me about next time. (Like what if you do it on the toilet, and then you get aroused every time you need to take a shite or something? That would not be cute.) And what if you're sleeping in bed and dude taps you in the middle of the night for some lovemaking, what do you do then?

Well, we all know that sex is as much (probably even more) mental as it is physical for most people. So chances are this is more about what's going on upstairs than the actual physical act of sex. Was your first time in a non-traditional place? Is it any bed that produces the same reaction, or just the bed in your apartment? Did you have a bad experience in a bed? Those could all contribute to the way you feel about bed sex.

Or maybe you're just a quasi-agoraphiliac or one of the other hundreds of sexual eccentric characters that are out there. By the way, read through that entire list, and then tell me you don't feel better about your weird "ism". It's much easier telling a dude, "hey, I don't like to do it on a bed" as opposed to "hey, I can only get aroused if you vomit first, or dress up like a woman, or bury me alive!" Think about what THAT chick's life must be like. Doesn't seem so bad now, does it?

But back to your weird, sexually deviant behavior: what should you do about it? Well for one, you can stop hiding it from your partners. Sometimes people create problems where none exist. Maybe it's only a problem for you because you focus on it so much. Besides, if you can share such an intimate part of yourself with a dude by sleeping with him, then you should also be able to tell him about the other stuff too. For all you know, dude could have the same "ism" and is trying to work up the courage to tell you. The only thing you're doing is cheating yourself out of the possibility of something permanent because you've made up your mind that someone won't be able to handle it.

Secondly, try moving your mattress to the floor or putting a chair on the bed or some other variation of a furniture move. Maybe that's the key. And if all else fails, toss the bed! After all, what's the point of having a bed if it's just to sleep in.....that's soooooooooo 18th century!

How would you feel if your partner told you they had the above "ism"? OR

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