Confessions Of A Faker

Nancy, 31
New York, NY

It's not the easiest thing in the world to admit to, but I've faked every single "orgasm" I've ever had during intercourse. What's worse, most of my partners think that they've really put it on me and that they've given me the best sex of my life, thanks to my acting. I never really intended to fake my orgasms, but after the first couple of times when I wasn't feeling what I expected to feel, I thought the guy would be offended if I told him it was bad, so I pretended it was good to spare his feelings.

As I got older, it just became part of my routine. At first I thought I was frigid, but I've had orgasms from oral sex just not from actual sex. I told one guy I was with that I didn't have orgasms from sex and then he became Captain Save-A-Chick and felt like he had to be the one...He tried, and tried, and each time I told him that I didn't have one, he'd get more and more dejected. After a while I saw that it was taking a toll on his self-confidence and his performance in bed, so I just went back to faking. it's so much easier.

I never spoke to other women about it when I was younger, because I thought I was the only one, but from conversations with friends and other women, every woman fakes it a couple of times in her life. I even met a couple women who're just like me who fake it all the time. I've come to accept the fact that I'm one of those women who will never have an intercourse orgasm.

My problem is this: I've been with my boyfriend for two years, and he's the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. I want to come clean and tell him that I've been faking all this time, but I know this could destroy our relationship. What should I do? Please don't be too harsh in your response.

LOL at "please don't be too harsh". Me? Harsh? I wouldn't hurt a fly! Let's see...normally, I would use this opportunity to extol the virtues of being honest with your significant other, but this time I have to make an exception. Girl, take that shit with you to your grave! It's been two years, what purpose does it serve to tell him that shit now, after all this time. If it were me, and my man told me that, I'd really question everything else. I would think everything he said was a lie, if he had acting skills enough to fool me for two years. Besides, despite what they say (and they will say stuff to the contrary), the majority of men don't know how to (or don't want to) handle a woman who consistently cannot achieve orgasm through intercourse - which as we know is a large population of women.

Sex is an intimate thing, and I honestly don't understand the mentality of people who will share the most intimate part of themselves with another person, but are scared to say certain things to that person. Now don't get me wrong, I've had quite a few faking episodes myself...what woman hasn't? Sometimes, on a one-off basis, it's just easier than explaining why you didn't have an orgasm. But if it's a consistent, ongoing thing, not only are you cheating yourself, you're also cheating him by letting him think that he's fulfilling all your needs.

So where do you go from here? Although I don't think you should tell him, I definitely think you should stop faking. Dunno how you're gonna explain going from mind-shattering orgasms (I'm assuming that if you're acting, you at least went all out and didn't deliver a half-assed performance) to "ehh, it's alright", but if this is the dude for you, you owe him that much. Go to a sex therapist, experiment with different positions, do what you have to do to find the things that turn you on (like oral sex), and incorporate them into your sex life. But stop faking! A skilled lover understands that most women won't have an orgasm every time she has sex, and is ok with that.

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