Missed Connection

Ever saw a gorgeous guy/girl while you were out and about, but circumstances didn’t allow you to approach them. Well, whether you were with someone else; taking care of business; or just a plain old wimp, seems like the gods – actually, it’s really just craigslist.org – have decided to give you another chance.

Ah, yes…by logging onto the “Missed Connections” section of Craigslist (it's under "Personals), you too can reconnect with that oh-so-gorgeous guy who caught your eye on the train, or the girl who was reading the newspaper in the park, or the guy you jerked off in the men’s locker room of NYSC, but didn’t catch his name. (As much as I'd like to take credit for the shock value of the last one, even I couldn’t come up with that one – it’s an actual ad I saw on MC).

So having a thirst for knowledge, I decided to give the thing a whirl myself. By now you should know that I have a teensy little problem with shyness. So this was a perfect exercise for me. I posted my first ad back in May, after seeing one of THE most beautiful men I’ve ever seen. Someone named Brooklyn Dread responded wanting to know if I’d been wearing a red skirt. (Personally, I think he was just fishing to start up a conversation, since I’d given a brief description of myself in the ad.) My response was short and sweet: “Nope.” I was trying to get to the big fish…I didn’t have time for small fries. No more responses came.

I tried again after the Stevie Wonder party to connect with a guy who’d been giving me the eye, but who’d been blocked the whooooole night by this really short, annoying dude who was sweating profusely (apparently “I’m not interested” is a mixed signal). I got a couple of responses: one from a guy whose friends had gone (whoop-di-doo!) and another from someone else who just wanted to tell me “it was an awesome party!” (I know, dude, I was there.)

At the risk of sounding like a cynic, I’m not sure this Missed Connection thing has even a 0.5% success rate. The odds are just too high. For one the person you didn’t approach could’ve simply been someone who was just in town visiting. Then you have to hope that even if they’re not, they a) were equally interested in you and really felt like it was a missed opportunity, b) they have access to the internet, and c) they know about Missed Connections and go there frequently enough to spot your ad. Like I said, a snowball’s chance in hell.

Craigslist apparently agrees; they’ve started a massive search for “success stories” which they’re undoubtedly going to post on the site in a last ditch, see-this-really-works attempt. Yeah, good luck with that.

Since I rarely ever rant without a point, here it is: seize the moment. Regret is the worst feeling in the world (ok, ok, maybe after constipation). There is no such thing as a missed connection – only a missed opportunity; and from what I’ve heard those only come around once.

Tell me about your "Missed Connection" or Email me your dating question