He's Married...But He's Still Calling!

Anonymous, 28
Queens, NY

I had the opportunity to read your blogger you have some great topics out there that have been discussed. But I have another topic perhaps you should discuss here it is...He's Married...But he is still trying to get at you!!!! Hope you get some feed back on this..

According to Maslow's Self-Actualization Theory, self-actualization occurs when you've accomplished everything you wanted to, and yhou have everything you've ever wanted out of life. Not surprisingly, not many people have gotten to this self-actualization utopia. Psycho-jargon aside, basically all I'm saying is that it's human nature to always want more from life. (I know, I could've just said that from the beginning, but I want my four years of psychology to actually count for something, considering that I'm still paying off those student loans).

There's nothing wrong with wanting more, but when you're married and the more is sex/companionship/other from someone who's not your spouse, then that's where it becomes a problem. Experts estimate that about 75% of married men cheat -- and that's the 1998 estimate! And if you ask me, the reason that percentage is so high is because of women. Don't get me wrong, he's still a terrible husband who shouldn't be married, but these men aren't cheating by themselves. I can't tell you how many times I've heard women say:

• "He's the one married to her, not me, so why should I care?" OR
• "He's unhappy; he's going to leave her soon to be with me." OR
• "He told me she's seeing someone else" OR
• [insert other totally ridiculous justification for being with a married man here]

Basically, single women need to set their standards higher and not make it easy for married men to play the field. With all the STDs out there, I personally can't understand why anyone would knowingly sleep with someone who was sleeping with someone else, but hey...that's just me.

So what should you do about dude that's calling? Well, according to my rationale above, he's probably calling because he senses some kind of encouragement (or openness) to his calls. Here's an easy suggestion: don't answer his calls. No, you can't be his friend. That's what his wife is there for; married men don't need new female friends that he didn't know prior to his marriage and that his wife doesn't know about.

Assuming that you are ignoring his calls (and I really think you wouldn't be having this problem if you were) and he still keeps calling, then it's time to get gangsta. Arrange a date with him, and invite his wife along. This might sound a bit harsh, but consider that black women have the highest rate of HIV/AIDS infection of any group. You might be thinking that it's not your problem, as long as he stops calling you, but if it's not you, it's gonna be some other woman, who might end up being a close friend.

Or, you can always post his name on one of those sites like Don't Date Him Girl! (I've never cheated, but just to be on the safe side, I did check out the brother site. Never know when a hater from the past will wanna tarnish your good name. Thankfully it wasn't up yet. LOL.)

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