Bad Sex

"Well, it wasn't the best I've ever had," a former partner responded matter-of-factly to my inquiry on our recent session. It was one of the few times in my life I can remember being left utterly speechless. As I watched the last vestiges of my self-esteem disappear through the window, I was struck by a range of emotions.

At first, I was in disbelief; after all, it's not every day that a girl gets told that her bedroom skills are lacking. As a self-proclaimed perfectionist, it was hard for me to grasp that there was something that I was just "ok" at. He didn't just say that, I thought to myself, staring at his nonchalant expression, I'm good at everything!

Then, it was anger; who the fuck did he think he was? I silently fumed. I could get any guy I wanted; did he know how privileged he was to have had the opportunity?

Then, believe it or not, I was actually proud. Sexual prowess is something you build up over time - from having a lot of partners. I was kinda glad that my inexperience was evident...God forbid I be thought of as a hoe (no disrespect, Sara!).

In hindsight, ego aside, that was probably one of the best criticisms I've ever gotten. After dude told me I sucked, I resolved that I'd never let anyone tell me that again. I read a lot of those how-to-please-your-man articles in women's magazines, and books like The Joy of Sex, 203 Ways to Drive A Man Wild in Bed, and The Secrets of Sensual Lovemaking became my best friends. Of course, theory without practical application is null, so there was some of that too. LOL. Months later, by my partner's admission, I'd moved from remedial to summa cum laude (no pun intended).

Everyone's had a bad sexual experience; how you respond to it determines whether it's a one-time thing or a pattern. My worst sexual experience was so bad that I wept in disappointment and mortification (he thought my tears were just part of the "crying thing that some women do during sex") at the end of it. I should have probably told him how bad he was; after all, I'd inherited his sexual incompetence from some other woman who didn't tell him. But instead, I just chalked it up to experience and sent him on to the next unsuspecting woman.

We should be a little more responsible in matters concerning bad sex. Every sexual incompetent that you don't inform of their failures is a reflection of you. Don't just unleash them on the next man or woman. When you have a bad sex partner, don't you wish someone would've taken the time to tell them about themselves before they got to you? We owe it to these incompetents, ourselves - the world even, to let them know just how bad they are. If you're feeling especially generous, you can even give him/her pointers on how to improve. Whatever it takes, just make sure they know. The men/women that will come (pun intended) after you will thank you.

Share your worst sexual experience or Email me a question to answer on my blog