The Hoe: Not Your Average Tool

"Sara", 26
Florida

I'm a 26 year old woman. I'm educated, I pay my own bills and even own my own home that I'm paying for with my hard-earned money.

I like to go out on dates, and I consider myself very sexually open. I don't have hangups about waiting X number of months to sleep with a guy, or not kissing on the first date or any of that stuff. I just think it's stupid, so I go with my feelings.

A couple of weeks ago one of my girlfriends told me that if I wasn't her friend, she'd think I was a hoe. Can you imagine?! When I compare the number of sex partners with my friends' numbers I have been with 7 more guys than the one with the highest number, and we're all roughly the same age. But I've also been in a lot more relationships. Except for one or two of those guys, I was seriously dating every man I've slept with - it wasn't like I was just sleeping with random men that I didn't know.

I won't lie, it hurt my feelings, but that doesn't mean that I'm going to change because I'm scared of what people think of me. I definitely want to confront her, but can I really be mad at her for her perception, especially since other people probably think the same way?

Ouch. I've never really liked people referring to me with words like bitch or hoe. It's always made me think of two ghetto chicks in a brawl. In the old days, when a guy called a woman hoe, he meant it literally. Nowadays, the word has been pimped out (pun intended) so much that people use it interchangeably with goldigger, chickenhead, bitch, and even just the generic female label. A woman can be educated, own her own home, pay her own bills and is president of her own company...and still be a hoe. Some people would consider Jennifer Lopez (pre-Marc Anthony) a hoe, but she was in a committed relationship with all the men she was linked to. I've heard men refer to sexually agressive (not promiscuous) women as hoes, and even some women who have a lot of close male friends can't escape the title sometimes. Point is, it's very subjective.

I look at it like this: people are gonna say what they want to say, the important thing is how you feel about you. If you're happy with the way your life is, then who cares what other people think? Don't get me wrong, no one wants to be called a hoe, and I'd be pissed as hell if a friend of mine said that to me, but then I'd have to look at the intent behind it. If she was saying it to be mean and spiteful, that's one thing. But some friends are just close enough where they feel like they can say exactly what's on their mind without fear of repercussion. Either way, you can't really be mad at her for speaking her mind. Opinion and assholes: everybody has one. The delivery could have been a little more tactful, but sometimes being blunt is the best way. (After all, would we really be having this conversation if she'd beat around the bush?)

So are you a hoe? Ask yourself this question: when you meet The One, will you be reluctant or embarassed to tell him how many guys you've slept with? If you answer yes, it would seem to me that your "number" is not something you're proud of. And if you're not proud of it, why keep making it bigger. If your answer is "no", then keep living it up...just make sure you do it safely.