The Deal Breaker

From time to time, even the Learned Advisor could use a little advice too. This is one of those times...

We've all come across that person who you think would be great for you - they have all the qualities you're looking for, and you get along really great. Then you discover The Deal Breaker - that thing that no matter how great the person is, you just can't take your dealings with him/her any further. My Deal Breaker, my dear readers, is cigarette smoking. It might seem trivial, but no matter how fine the man is, how perfectly suited we are for each other, how much my family and friends like him, how we have the best conversations, if he smokes cigarettes I am turned off.

Health benefits aside, cigarette smokers seem to always smell like a small, seedy bar - the morning after. Yeah, they brush and chew gum and all that stuff, but I have the misfortune of having overdeveloped olfactory senses, so to me, it's always like the smell is permeating from them. I can smell it in their hair, their fingernails...it's almost as if the stale cigarette smell is coming through their pores. Who want's to kiss an ashtray? And then you have to deal with the smell rubbing off on you...ugh!! (Damn, I think that description probably even turned some smokers off! LOL)

Usually, I don't encounter situations where this is a problem. I typically find out the guy's a smoker way before I get his number and it's usually ended right there before anything meaningful develops or before I have more than a superficial insight into his personality. And so my dilemma begins...

A couple weeks ago, I met this guy while I was out dancing. It was dark and I couldn't really see him, but he moved ok, and I could tell that he wasn't ugly. LOL. He smelled of weed, but there was no cigarette smoke, so I was cool with it. Before he gave me his business card, he warned me that if I wasn't planning to call, I shouldn't take it. "I wouldn't take it if I wasn't interested" I responded. I admit, a part of the reason I was open to his advances was due to his strong resemblance to the recently "estranged" love of my life - but he was also a nice guy.

Then as I was leaving the club, I saw The Deal Breaker: he was outside smoking a cigarette. I almost didn't call him, but I remembered that I'd given my word to call and I hate going back on my word, so I called. We spoke on the phone for a few weeks...he's a really quiet, laid back kinda guy - again a lot like the "estranged" LOML. And even though I usually don't date American men (that's another story for another time), there was something about his mannerisms that made me feel comfortable. Comfortable enough to invite him over to my place - the first guy "of interest" to get that privilege since...damn, it's been so long, I can't remember.

So we chilled at my house the first time and it was cool - cut short because I had to go out. The second time we chilled it was a bit more intimate: it was later, and we were just sitting on the couch watching TV and talking about random stuff while he rubbed my leg. He is really a nice guy.

BUT (don't act like you didn't know there was one coming), all throughout our closeness, I could smell the cigarette smoke and it was such a turn off! I mean, major turnoff! Suhc a pity, because he's a hot guy, and I normally don't have hot guys chilling on my couch, with nothing between us but a few strips of flimsy material and nothing much to watch on TV, so had he not been a smoker...well, you get the picture...LOL. After about an hour and a half of turning it around in my mind and trying to figure out what to say, I finally broached the subject:

Me: So do you smoke a lot?
Him: Smoke what?
Me: Cigarettes
Him: I started smoking more when I moved back home.
Me: Well to be honest, I almost didn't call you after I met you that night.
Him: Why?
Me: Because I came outside and saw you smoking a cigarette, and that usually is a deal breaker for me. I've never dated, talked to or hung out with a guy who smoked cigarettes.
Him: Oh

What can one glean from that conversation. Just "oh"? Is that a well-it-sucks-to-be-you-but-I'm-not-quitting "oh"? Or is it a well-now-that-you've-told-me-I-won't-smoke-around-you "oh"? Or is it a girl-you-so-fine-I'd-give-up-one-of-my-arms-for-you "oh"? I don't know what that means! So we chilled for a little while longer, and then he left. I gave him a kiss on the cheek (which probably would've been more, had he not been a smoker) but it was like we hugged and kissed through a haze of smoke (I'm being overly dramatic, but the cigarette smell was soooooo strong).

This is usually my automatic deal breaker, but this time I'm hesitant to break the deal because a) I actually got to know him and dude is a really nice guy, b) we have a lot in common, and c) my friends think that I'm too picky and quick to give up on situations, so I promised myself I'd at least be open to dating out of my comfort zone.

But is this really a thing of comfort zones or standards? If he was fat and I only date skinny guys, that would be out of my comfort zone. Dating a white guy would be out of my comfort zone. Dating a celebrity would be out of my comfort zone. But dating a rapist is just not my standard. Dating a clown is not my standard, either (sorry to all you hardworking clowns out there). Same thing with dating a cigarette smoker. But dude is a really nice guy. LOL.

Is it worth even continuing to chill with dude, or should I just make a clean break of it now? (I don't know how many more times he can chill on my couch without, erm, consequences and repercussions...LOL)

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