Do You Have A Roommate?

It’s such a simple question, yet whenever a guy utters those 5 little words in succession, I get annoyed beyond reason. I know this is probably an unfair generalization but Brooklyn guys – heck NYC guys – are some of the thirstiest (that’s ebonics for “a relentlessness that borders on desperation”) guys in the world. They hear certain information about you, and it’s like they lose their entire minds and just don’t know how to act.

Before I can completely delve into why this question annoys me so much, I guess I should give a little background for you non-New Yorkers. If you have been living under a rock these last hundred years and haven’t heard, New York City is one of the most expensive cities in the world. It’s not uncommon for a 30-something person to have a roommate, since many people simply cannot afford to live on their own because of the high rents. And since much of NYC spaces are apartments, it’s also not uncommon for people to be living in close/cramped quarters.

Having roommates - unless your roomie is never home, and few people are that lucky - usually creates some privacy issues, especially when you’re trying to get your romance on. Y’all might be tighter than two peas in a pod, but there’s gonna be at least one time when you wish you had your own place to do spontaneous things like wine and dine your date by candlelight, or have steamy sex in the shower, or cover the kitchen floor with plastic and then cover each other with chocolate syrup and whipped cream, and...well, you get the picture. LOL.

Believe it or not, when I had roommates, I think my dating life was a lot easier. As a single woman, there’s some comfort in knowing that if you invite your date over there’ll be other people around as buffer in case you’re not feeling dude. On more than one occasion I used one of my roommates to help diffuse an awkward situation, or (when I needed a little more gangsta) help move dude out the door (thanks, Rashida!)

But now I live alone, and it’s a lot harder for me to invite guys over. For one, it seems like whenever I tell a dude a live alone, his eyes light up like the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree and he always seems to want to invite himself over shortly thereafter. I know I’m a pretty fascinating person and people naturally just want to be around me ALL the time, but someone who makes my living status their primary concern - and delights in it - is a little creepy. I have visions of inviting over said individual and being molested on my couch with no one to save me.

Secondly, inviting a guy over when you live alone puts a lot of pressure on a single gal:

• I have to be worried about the time I invite him over. For example, if I invite a dude over at 11 p.m. does that automatically mean that we’re gonna mess around? What is the cut off time between when it’s just a hangout session, and when it’s a booty call session?
• I have to be worried about where in my house we chill. My computer is set up in my bedroom and it's always on my bed. So if it’s 11 o’clock at night, and I want to show him something on the internet, will he think I’m giving him a signal to take things further if I invite him to sit on my bed and peruse the internet?
• I have to be worried about what I wear. When I’m at home, I like to be comfortable. This means tank tops sans bras and boxer shorts. Will he think I’m being a tease if I don my regular home attire?

I’m probably overanalyzing things a bit, but when you’ve heard enough stories from your living single girlfriends, you start to get a little paranoid. (The signal you give off, and the signal they receive could be COMPLETELY different!)

Finally – and most importantly - I’m hesitant to invite dates over because it’s such a personal thing. My home is probably one of the best insights into my personality. From my choice of books, to my music collection; from my decorating style to the pictures on the wall; it all reflects me – stripped down, vulnerable, me. And if I don’t know you like that, I’m not really comfortable with you seeing that side of me. Call me conceited, but you have to earn that privilege.

So ten minutes, and six paragraphs later, I return to my original rant: I hate when dudes ask me if I have a roommate. It just seems like they’re saying, “Good, now I can make a move and there’ll be no one to stop me!” or they're calculating how much quicker they'll get some ass with no interruptions around, or some similar lowlife intent. Am I wrong for thinking like this?

Guys, what do you think about women living alone?

Single ladies living alone, share your thoughts… OR

Send me an email with your own dating dilemma