When The Dealbreaker Breaks The Deal...

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Originally uploaded by TinaLouise8.

So a little while ago, I made an entry about dealbreakers - i.e., the things that would prevent me from sealing the deal with a guy. My dealbreaker was cigarette smoking. I'm not going to rehash the whole scenario (read it here), but the comments I got ranged from "how could you be so shallow?" to "give it a shot". So I decided to take my readers' advice, and give dude some play.

I'd just like to say that this is precisely why none of yall have a dating advice blog. LOL. Talk about bad idea! I'd also like to say that I'm thankful for my wonderful sense of humor, which doesn't let me take dating snafus too seriously and allows me to write them off as anecdotes for future storytelling (like I'm about to do right now).

So Smoker Dude (later renamed to Slim Shady) and I started out really cool...we talked about past relationships, current dating, etc. He was even "man" enough to admit that relationshipwise, "he doesn't know what he wants" (translation: I just wanna have sex, with no strings attached, but I can't just come out and say that). But at the time he said it, my judgement was clouded from some really good kissin' (sounds virginal, I know, but don't underestimate the power of an expert kisser), so I thought it was so "honest and upright of him to be so open about his feelings". Whudeva.

So we went out for dinner one night, came back to my place and had a mini-makeout session (really it was just more good kissing). But I didn't know dude too well, so I nipped it in the bud before it got too serious. Dude is calling me next day, wants to know what I'm doing, y'know, really "interested". So we make plans to hang out later that evening, since it was a few days before my trip to Barbados and time was kinda limited. He had to visit family in LI, so he didn't get back in town until pretty late, but he wasn't sleepy and I was still up packing, so I told him he could come through...Apparently as I alluded to in my Roommates post, and I've later heard, that's a big no-no inviting a dude over at a certain time if you don't plan to have sex with him. Whudeva.

He came through, we talked for a bit, then I just came right out and asked, "what do you expect from me going forward?" IMO, there's no need to beat around the bush and play coy...if he knows what he wants ('cause I knew what I wanted), we could see if our expectations were aligned. If they were, great. If not...we know we just need to keep it moving...I'd had time to reflect on our previous conversation about him not knowing what he wants, and decided that he was really looking for an open (read: sexual) relationship, but didn't know how to say it. Anyway dude decides to play coy:

Him: "Um, I think I know what I want...I mean I have a pretty good idea, but I'm not sure." (While trying to unhook my bra).

Me: "Well what's the idea you have?"

Him: "I dunno if I want to share it right now." Still trying to unhook my bra.

Translation: The only thing that you should be movin' right now are your hands to help me unhook your bra.

Me (shrugging): "Alright, lemme know when you figure it out..."

See, this is why I usually follow my gut - even if it gets me labeled as "too picky"; I'm a grown-ass woman, I don't have time for games. That was an instant turnoff - I think even more than the smoking. Needless to say after that whack exchange, I could forsee that there was no action forthcoming for Smoker Dude in the near future. I guess since it was in the middle of the heat wave (I'm anti-A/C), and I apparently fell asleep while waiting for him to figure it out, he didn't feel the need to stick around.

Since that day, Smoker Dude did a complete turn into Slim Shady. No longer is he calling; he's communicating by text messages. I come back from Barbados, and dude makes several dates then I never hear from him...cool with me. There's always a Law & Order or a CSI on, baby! You ain't got nothin' on Stabler & Benson, biotch!! LOL.

The kicker was us meeting up randomly and making plans to go to dinner. Someone else invited me to dinner, so I texted dude to see if we were still going. Never heard from him, so I went out. All day next day, I don't hear from him, but I see him (and his "friend", which I will get to in a moment) at the uber-gay Fort Greene Park. He gave me all sorts of excuses for why he didn't call, but by then I knew the game - shite, I helped create the rules for that game a looooooong time ago, so I just said hello and kept it moving.

This non-committal thing goes on for another week: he sends me text messages asking what I'm doing, I respond. Finally, my patience runs out...I leave him a message saying, it's apparent that he doesn't want to be bothered, so let's mutually agree to keep it moving. Of course he doesn't call back. Figured it was the last I'd heard from him....then I run into him (and his "friend) at a club - the very next day (how frickin' big is NYC...of all the places!!)...Talk about awkward. LOL. But being the charmer that I am, I said hello, gave him a hug and proceeded to party like I would've had he not been there...He avoided me all night. LOL.

Now on to the friend: long before I knew that the "friend" was his relative, I'd always suspected the dude was gay. I would always see him in these gay-friendly environments, and something just didn't sit right with me...plus dude has a reddish tint to his hair, which I know is dye job. So while I was out in the park one day with Slim Shady, I spot the same dude and say, "y'know, I think this guy's gay." Slim Shady says, "that's my relative by marriage"...Oops. Talk about foot in mouth! Ok. He could still be gay though. The clincher was when I saw dude with some pint-sized mongrel, y'know, one of those Paris Hilton dogs? Which straight man walks around with a dye job and a hand dog? The day I saw them at the Gay Men's Gathering in Ft. Greene Park, I was convinced that Slim Shady was an undercover brother...

That's the last time I take advice from yall! LOL.