Black Women, Brunches & Book Clubs

"Your stock immediately tumbles when a Black man knows that you belong to a book club. 'Book club" is just womenspeak to get together and bitch about men. Sure y'all might talk about a book somewhere in there, but I guarantee you the conversation will center around men. And a man knows that if you're part of a book club, your probably a little jaded on the opposite sex, and sometimes we don't want to deal with that."

This, the philosophy of my recently-married male coworker on why I was still single. (This is The Coworker - y'know the one that told me that men would avoid me like the plague if I hit a certain age and hadn't been in a long term relationship? Yeah, that one.) I immediately dismissed his rantings as those of a newlywed with buyer's remorse...until he got a few of our other male coworkers to support his theory.

"Just take stock of the women in your book club - 'cause I know they're ALL women," he continued. "How many of them are in stable, successful relationships?" The other two male coworkers nodded enthusiastically in the background. "Probably none!" he continued, without waiting for me to respond. "That's because y'all dedicate so much energy into commiserating about what's wrong that when you leave, those of you in relationships go home feeling even more discontented - which causes problems - and those of you seeking relationships become so jaded by what you've heard that you give off that stink vibe to anyone who would approach you."

Male Coworker #1 picked up where he'd left off: "It's the same thing with those brunches, too. How many times has a guy approached you or any of your girlfriends at brunch?"

"Never." I replied, hating that I had to give any answer that supported their stupid, bogus theory.

"Precisely." Male Coworker #2 interrupted. "That's because we know the deal. Women don't just get together and go to brunch to talk about outfits, hair and nails. That stuff you can do over the phone. And if you're single, brunch with women isn't gonna get you any male attention. Guys will look; they'll admire y'all, but 98% of them won't come near yall. Because we KNOW."

Thankfully for me, these men had an easy resolution. "If you want to show that you're open and available to men, lose the book club and the brunches." The Coworker advised. "Or if you must do them, don't mention them on a first, second or even a third date. And then evaluate these little gatherings to see if it's just a whole bunch of single women bitching about everything, or if they're useful."

Although I admit that the men may have a few valid points (we do sometimes get carried away in our venting; not everyone has the luxury of having a blog y'know), I really think it's a divide-and-conquer tactic. When you think about it, men have the most to lose by women getting together and sharing information. It was in one of these gatherings that I discovered that two people I knew were messing with the same dude. It was also in one of these gatherings that another two women found out that they'd both gotten picked up by the same dude with the same whack pick up line. Like I said, divide-and-conquer.

Sometimes you just need some female companionship, support, and yes, commiseration to get you through the week. And sometimes *gasp* you just want to discuss a good book you've read, or talk about things totally unrelated to men. I know, it's hard to conceive women actually getting together to read or discuss things totally unrelated to men, but it does happen here on earth. So if my book club meetings and brunches means I get a few less dates, I can deal with it. Girl power!! (Yes, I'm back to Miss Independent now that my landlord has caught the mouse in my apartment. LOL)

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