Am I Too Picky?

"You gonna pick and pick until you end up with shit!" my mother said to me one day, referring to my love life (or lack thereof). "That's how I ended up with your father." Who knew my mom had a sense of humor? But then when I considered their almost 20-year dysfunctional marriage, and it wasn't really so funny.

I've always had my share of eligible men - but to be honest, many of them have been eligible by someone else's standards instead of mine. This one got along well with my friends; my family liked that one; another one had a bright future and would make me a good husband; but somehow, I never seemed to be able to find the right mix for me.

Sure, it would start out nicely enough - he'd have a wicked sense of humor, or he'd be really handsome and intellectual, or we'd just get along really well together...but then something would spoil it. He had deplorable eating habits; he was too into me; he wasn't enough into me; he didn't have enough ambition; he talked too much; he didn't talk enough; we were at two different points in our lives; the reasons were endless. I admit, some of my reasons were so ridiculous, they even exasperated me, but you know when something's right.

"It's not like you're gonna marry the guy!" one friend or other would say after I'd disqualified yet another potential, but isn't it kinda pointless to date someone just to go through the motions? I mean, aren't you just wasting each other's time if you go in already knowing that it won't work? I'm not a big fan of the maybe-he'll-grow-on-you theory...no fungus relationships for me, thankyouverymuch.

So my friends have given up. They've collectively decided that I will find fault with anyone they introduce me to. My father has begun to ask me questions about "life", which is his code way of saying relationship. You know it's bad when your "she's-still-my-innocent-baby-girl" father is asking you about "life". And the other day, my ever so tactful sister told me in no uncertain terms that I'm "running out of time." Funny, I didn't know I had a deadline.

Every committed relationship in my family (immediate and extended) is dysfunctional. So I don't necessarily think of it as being picky - more like trying to break a family tradition. I used to feel bad that I had such high standards, but I'm tired of apologizing. Yeah, I know no one is perfect - and I'm not trying to find the perfect guy. I also know that every relationship will take compromise - but at what point are you losing yourself, your standards, etc. for the sake of a relationship? It's a fine line. You say picky, I say focused on what I want. If Flavor Flav, a jailbird, washed up rapper with a million kids can still have his pick of a bevy of women, why the hell can't I?

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