Boomerang: The Prodigal Ex
When I broke up with First Love, that was the first time I ever felt like my "record" was in jeopardy. I knew he wasn't the type to ever admit that he was wrong, so I really felt like it was final, even though I couldn't imagine my life without him.
This week will make it one year since we officially went our separate ways. Since then, he's created a nice little life for himself (ain't that a bitch! In the years we were dating, he was trying to "find" himself and as soon as we break up, he wants to settle down!). He's called me a couple times in the last few months, and in both the conversations he's always telling me how great things are, what he's accomplished, etc. I always congratulate him, tell him that's great and continue to be the SE you've all grown to love. LOL.
Also noteworthy in our conversations is that he barely asks anything about me, even though the purpose of the call was to "see how I was doing".
In our most recent conversation, he gave me information which indicates that he and the girlfriend are pretty serious.
"Good for you," I say, and I really do think it's good.
Then, out of nowhere: "So, um, you wouldn't like, um, wanna come to any wedding that I might possibly be having, right?"
My heart starts thundering in my chest and I feel a little faint. This is the moment I've been dreading. Even though I'm over him, there'll always be that little part - I don't even know what it is, maybe regret? - that wonders why I wasn't the one. I think it's a natural reaction; I mean this was my first love.
"You're getting married?!" I'm barely breathing, waiting for the answer:
"No," he says in a don't-be-ridiculous voice.
Now I'm confused. "So why are you asking?"
"Just curious."
Ooookaaaay. That's weird. "Well," I say, thinking about my answer. "It would depend."
"On what?" he asks.
"On how I was feeling when you invited me." We both laugh; my mood changes are well known. Then I think about my answer some more, and realize that it would kinda be a slap in the face for me to attend his wedding - especially when we had talked so many times about our own.
"Actually, on second thought, I don't think I'd come."
"Interesting," he says. And that's all.
I'm still not sure where this line of questioning is coming from. I really did expect him to already be engaged to this woman - wait, that MUST be it. He's trying to figure out a way to tell me he's engaged, I think. I decide to make it easy for him.
"Are you engaged?" I ask.
"No," he says in the same don't-be-ridiculous voice.
So, WTF???!! Why ask me random questions that have nothing to do with anything? We chat for a few more minutes, then hang up.
It was only after hanging up that I realized that maybe that was his way of coming back. I think all these conversations about how fabulous his life was was really an indication that something was amiss. If your life is so fabulous, why are you calling me? The wedding question was probably a test to see how I'd respond. I wonder if I passed?
Hmm, maybe my record is still unbroken...
Labels: First Love
posted by SimplEnigma @ 12:28 AM
19 comments
19 Comments:
A very masturbatory post but it goes back to the question which I asked a couple months ago, about why women keep taps/phone numbers of exs. Would you get back with them if given the opportunity or is it just a collection of old happy memories that you hold onto like a highlander?
Masturbatory post? Erm, thanks...I think.
For the record, I did not call him, he called me. But I do believe in remaining friends with people who've been inside my body - even if they were the ones who screwed me over (no pun intended). I feel like Karma will take care of them in time.
Exactly...and the question you pose in your blog is why current boyfriends don't think it's appropriate to keep tabs on the people that have been inside your body. Even if you put religion aside, you gotta acknowledge that once you have sex with a guy, women have a connection that is not easily broken. And if it's not broken it can easily be re-connected.
Guys are all to aware of this, so a boyfriend would get pissed if he knew about ex-former-used to be lovers making and or keeping contact. And those ex.’s they keep coming back because they know that if you leave the door cracked....
" I just really think that I'm a great catch, and very few men will be lucky enough to date someone with a similar dynamic."
Wow, there's healthy self confidence and then there's self confidence that bubbles out of the pot leaving streaks of confidence running down the side pooling in a gelatinous blob of over inflated self-worth that reeks of overcompensation.
I wonder which one you have.
This woman does not communicate with exes. No turning back praise the lord no turning back.
As for the ex that called--I guess "there's no race winning if you can't share the victory with someone else". He's doing great, but it would be greater if he could have his cake and eat it too.
@ Say Yeah: I dunno if I could be with a dude who gets pissed over me keeping in contact w/ an ex. I think it comes down to a trust thing and IMHO, someone who would forbid me to keep in contact with an ex simply just doesn't trust me.
I'm not saying that the ex and I are gonna be buddy buddy and hang out, but if someone's gonna cheat, they're gonna cheat and forbidding contact won't help the situation. It might even encourage it...you know what they say about forbidden fruit. LOL.
LMAO @ CynicalC. Interesting how you'd ignore the first part of my statement and just focus on the latter. As I said, I'm not saying it to be conceited; I'm saying it because that's what has happened. After all, why would someone come back after 4 years if they could've found the same thing elsewhere? Overcompensation is not my style...humility is one of the most attractive qualities.
@GC: I won't go out of my way, but I do send an occasional email - maybe for a birthday or holiday. There's nothing worse (in my opinion) than seeing someone that you've had an intimate relationship with out and about and not being sure where you stand. The one time that happened was one two many. Now, if I run into an ex, at least I know we can be cordial, chitchat for a bit, then keep it moving.
SE, you have some anonymous questions on the "Some Guys Are Just Assholes" Thread, & by the way I love your confidence.
I have the same record..
On my flight home I watched feast of love, and the quote goes, you can't begrudge someone love....even if that love isn't with you..
I saw my ex and his happily married wife of a year, and behaved like a spoilt child....you guys broke up for a reason, and if he really wanted to get back with you, he'd be a man and come begging on his hands and knees instead of merely testing the water....
A man will do what he can...
Ceeeeeeeepppppppppppp! You're back. Hopefully with an Indian on your arm. :)
You always give such good advice.
LOL @ Radmila...are you gonna write that for every entry? :)
LOL...keep mentioning oportunistic men, and I will..
;)
I do not like this "what if I were getting married..." yadda yadda phone play. Somehow it seems that he hasn't grown at all in that year.
If his intent was to ferret out whether you would entertain starting something up with him again, he should be a man and say it.
Search:
It's called "hedging your bets"..men and women do it as a passive aggressive way of controlling a situation...if the other person is naive enough to play the game with them.
girl..we must be the same person. lol.
you just describe me and my ex's conversation.
i can't even give you any advice cause i'm just as confused as you.
i prefer him coming out and saying whats on his mind. I hate that wedding question since there is no correct answer, if no then you havent gotten over me and if yes you just want to compare arrrgh.
If he cant come out straight then he had better stop "checking up on me"
my word talk about tooting your own horn!
I don't think hes gonna come back but hes probably just entertained that you are still bothered by him.
@gishungwa such is the nature of the games we play
@ATLCutey: Au contraire, I'm not confused...I don't want him back at all. Anyone who could chat marriage with me and move in with someone else 4 months later doesn't deserve me.
@ Adrian: Negative, I'm not bothered by it, just wondering why - if he's so happy and fulfilled - he cares whether or not I come to his hypothetical wedding. LOL.
Y'know, I found something quite interesting about this entry: the number of people who commented on me feeling good about myself and talking about myself in a positive confident light. Funny enough, when I'm self-deprecating no one seems to have much to say, but when I'm confident it's viewed as a negative thing.
If you don't love yourself and hold yourself in the highest regard, how can you expect someone else to? You say conceited, I say confident.
"If you don't love yourself and hold yourself in the highest regard, how can you expect someone else to? You say conceited, I say confident."
Preaaaaaach!
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