It's The Thought That Counts?

It's The Thought That Counts
Originally uploaded by LaertesCTB.

So I logged into my email this morning, and had 3 new questions...all about the gifts people received from their Significant Others. LMAO.

I'm not big on Christmas. Actually, I'm not big on birthdays either, mostly because I'm competing with Christmas and I know that I'm going to be disappointed gift-wise, so I prefer to use my dad's mantra: "Expect nothing, and you won't be disappointed." which has been working out quite well. Last year was a good year for me though. My friends planned a whole birthday weekend after my foiled trip to Europe; I got this Bob Marley anthology that I didn't expect; and a fantastic Dubwise shirt that I'd admired and was planning to get for myself. :) It was a good year.

Although I'm not the most sympathetic ear for whining about Christmas gifts, I hate when people give a half-hearted gift that shows no effort then say some shit like, "It's the thought that counts." Ever notice that it's only people who are giving shitty gifts say that? Sometimes gift transgressions can be forgiven and it's really the thought that counts. Other times, it's just a crock of crap...case in point:

Letter #1: The Best Gift Ever...Next Year
Christmas Day came and my boyfriend of 8 months didn't have a gift for me. I was very disappointed since this is our first Christmas together and I was hoping he'd do something special. I told him how I felt and he said he had an amazing gift for me but that I couldn't get it until next year. I'm bummed. I feel like I should end it. My friends think he's going to propose to me in April (our one year anniversary) and that's what the big gift is. I could use your advice. - R.M.

Erm, I must've missed something...how'd you go from not getting a Christmas gift to being proposed to? If anything, the first is an indication that the second ain't gonna happen any time soon. Slow your roll and remember Daddy's mantra. LOL. This is eerily reminiscent of my last two birthdays/Christmases with First Love. On both occasions, he promised me a wonderful gift in the new year, and on both occasions, I ended up with nothing. Never mind that I'd taken the time out to get him birthday and Christmas gifts.

I think you should consider this Christmas a wash. Accept that he didn't buy you a gift and move on. If he gets it in the new year, great! If he doesn't, at least you're not setting yourself up for disappointment. I don't think you should break up with dude because he didn't get you a gift, but unless it's a vacation to Trinidad carnival or some other place that has to be taken at a special time, then there's no reason why he couldn't have given you that great gift at Christmas. Dude is either: a) cheap and trying to catch the after Christmas sales, or b) waiting to see what you'd get him so he could get something comparable, or c) really gonna give you time-specific gift.

Letter #2: The Inappropriate Gift
I've been trying to figure out whether I should take the next step with the woman I'm seeing. We're not in a relationship because I don't think we're at that point yet, but she's cool and we have fun together. We talked about giving gifts at Christmas and agreed that we would do something under $50.

I know she likes wine and loves to eat out, so I bought her the Zagat NYC guide, the Zagat Best of Brooklyn and a bottle of her favorite wine. In return, I got a tie which was not even my taste. It was pink which I'm not one of those guys who won't wear pink, but it was more of a homosexual pink (like Pepto Bismol) than something that a guy could wear to work. One of my colleagues at work had also given me a tie that was more in line with what I would wear. Hers was not something I would wear to work or to any other occasion. I wasn't going to complain, but she asked me if I liked it and I said no. She's not speaking to me now. I thought women liked honesty? What's up with that? -S

Hmm, guess she couldn't handle the truth? I can't speak for all women, but I always appreciate honesty....even though it's hard to swallow sometimes. When I asked the dude I just broke up with what he thought of me, he said, "You're very motivated and you always do what you say you're going to." Honest, yes...but not exactly what I was looking for from someone who knew me on an intimate level. I felt like I was in my year-end performance review with my boss.

I dunno how long y'all have been dating, but it sounds like she doesn't know you or your taste very well even though you seem to be pretty in tune with hers. If your coworker can buy you something that's more appropriate than the woman you're sleeping with (if I may be so presumptuous), then Houston, we have a problem. Yeah, yeah I know it takes time to figure out people's likes and dislikes, but you've figured out hers, why shouldn't you expect the same? And anyone who'd buy something to wear in Pepto Bismol Pink has questionable judgement on other things. Sure, you could teach her your taste, but really who has the time for these things? LOL. I don't think she's mad at you; she's prolly just mad at herself for her bad taste.

(P.S. I dunno what type of homosexuals you know, but the ones I know are fly and would not be caught dead in a Pepto Bismol Pink anything...sheeeit, they wouldn't even take Pepto Bismol cos the color wouldn't match their insides. LMAO.)

Letter #3: The Gift That Was Meant for Someone Else
I'm in a new dating situation. We have been hanging out since the beginning of December. Very excited about this man even though we've only hung out 4 or 5 times. He gave me a gift for Christmas and I felt bad because I didn't buy anything for him since we only knew each other so short a time. Then he explained the gift and I felt worse. He said the gift was an extra souvenir he bought back from a recent trip abroad and he'd had it lying around because he never found anyone that it matched, but he thought it would suit me.

I liked the gift but after he said that I didn't feel special. I feel like if he was dating someone else she would have gotten the same gift with the same explanation. I might be overanalyzing. Do you think I am? - M

Yes. You didn't give him anything, and you're complaining that you got something? LOL. Women are certainly hard to please sometimes. Sure he could have used a nice cup of STFU (he didn't have to give you the explanation behind the gift), but in this instance I really do believe like it is the thought that counts and that at least he thought to give you something, even if it hadn't been meant for you when he bought it. Consider that for two years I got NADA, NOTHING, ZILCH, ZIP from a dude I was in a long-term liaison with, and count yourself lucky.

Remember, if someone uses the phrase "It's the thought that counts", chances are you're getting a shitty gift...