S.T.F.U.

T.G.
New York, NY

After hanging out with this guy for nearly 3 mths we were talking one day and he says to me "when I first met you, I was really interested in your friend, but I'm glad that I got to know you instead".

I was vex. I didn't feel like I needed to know that he wasn't originally interested in me. Especially since the friend he was talking about hooked up with another guy that night, so I kind of feel like I was the after thought. Even tho we had a lot of cool times together, I can't really look at him in the same way since then because that was a mean thing to say. He says I'm acting like a drama queen, and that's the reason why men aren't honest with women because we don't know how to accept it, etc., etc.,. Am I blowing it out of proportion?


This is a tricky one...it's one of those backhanded-compliments that's not really a compliment. On one hand, he's kinda telling you how much he enjoys your company and that he's glad he didn't just take you at face value at your first meeting. But on the other hand, like you said if your friend would've been single that night, shit would've prolly been different.

But dude is really only guilty of not knowing when to S.T.F.U. and just enjoy a good situation. If you think about it, we've all been in that place where we've said waaay more than we should've. Like the time when Love of My Life told me that my blog is actually helping him be a better man in his current relationship. He could've used a nice cup of S.T.F.U. that day. Actually, come to think of it, I could probably used a cup myself for saying all that shit on my blog in the first place. LOL. Or how about the dude who asked me if my sheets were clean? Or the dude who gave the might-as-well proposal to his girl? Classic examples of people who didn't know when to S.T.F.U. I'm sure you probably have a story of your own to tell too.

Personally, I wouldn't continue dating the dude. I mean, who wants to feel like they were the second choice? Ok, on second thought, maybe I would if he was really apologetic for being such a dick and if I liked him enough. But your guy doesn't sound so apologetic. Matter of fact, he sounds like he doesn't even care that his comment was offensive. I wonder how he'd feel if you said, "yeah, I know what you mean...I was really tryna hook up with your best friend, but then you came over so I figured I'd give it a go."? Probably not all warm and fuzzy inside.

But don't play the games; either try to make him understand that his comment was hurtful, or, if he's not that big of a deal just keep it moving.

Have you had your cup of S.T.F.U. lately?

Email me your own dating question, and I'll answer it on my blog.