Some Guys Are Just Assholes
So over the holidays I went out to one of my stomping grounds for a party. I always go to this spot, but for some reason on this night, things just went a little different. I wasn't dressed particularly nice (my usual jeans and tee), my hair wasn't new (more dudes seem to approach me when my locs are freshly twisted), and I was on the rag (which means that I was retaining water like a camel). So you can see it wasn't one of my better nights.
An hour after I got there, I ran into one of my friends' exes. The dude was a real loser when he was dating my girl. Just did some downright shady shit to her. For a while after they broke up, I'd see him and not even say shit, 'cos I thought he was such a jerk, but it's been a few years, so I started acknowledging him again in 2006. I said hello, gave him a hug like I normally do, and wished him happy holidays. He made some comment how I never dance with anyone; I smiled politely, made some insignificant comment, then kept doing me.
Five minutes later, he comes over:
"_______ was a long time ago; I want to give you my number so we could hang out."
I didn't think I heard him correctly. He knew his ex was my GIRL, GIRL. Not just some random friend that I chill with on weekends.
"Excuse me?"
He repeats himself. "Me and _____ was a long time ago."
I am stunned that he would have the balls to even ask me something like that. "It will never be enough years." I tell him and walk off.
You would think he'd be so ashamed of himself that would be the end of it, right? Wrong. Later, when I'm dancing, he comes up and taps me in my lower back several times. I ignore him.
That same night, I run into a friend's (this is a chill-every-once-in-a-while friend) boyfriend. These two live together. He had been drinking, and was obviously drunk. He's dancing in my general area, and I include him in my circle of people. Then he moves behind me to dance. Uh-oh, I think, then immediately chastise myself for thinking the worse. My experience with Friend's Loser Ex has made me paranoid.
My paranoia wasn't unfounded. Not even a minute after he's moved behind me, I feel him moving closer. I move forward, he moves up. I move forward again, he moves up, grabs me around my waist to lock me against him and starts grinding on my ass.
I push him away and whirl around. It's obvious that I'm pissed. "Where's _____(his girlfriend)?" I ask, to remind him that I know his woman, and he needs to conduct himself right.
The mention of his girl sobers him up and he's started to get nervous. "Uh, she's not here. But you know I was only joking right?" This dude can't be serious. Who jokes around with someone you know through your girlfriend like that.
"I was just playing with you."
I shake my head and walk off, thankful that although I was single and had no prospects, at least I wasn't with a no-good asshole.
Why do some guys behave like that? Ugh!
posted by SimplEnigma @ 12:03 AM
16 comments
16 Comments:
One thing I was told by my uncle..."men will do what they can".
He told me that while giving me a lecture on not putting up with bullsh*t from men...just before I got married.
I completely confused myself...I thought the narrator was a man...so when we get to the part of another man grinding against his ass...I threw up a little in my mouth ROFL
i wouldnt be too harsh on the first dude to be honest.
i probably wouldnt do what he did but i know some people do it. it all depends on if the involved parties are comfortable and like one another. now in your case you are uncomfortable and not the least attracted to him and also feel some loyalty to your girl. some women and men aint like that at all.
because they are guys and not men
some women do silly things like that too
they just need to grow up already
I think "men will do what they can" just about sums it up. Remember, you don't know what you CAN do unless you try it. :)
@Radmila and Mad Bull: I think that's selling men short. They'll do what they can? I'm sorry, but it makes men sound like shallow beings who will sleep with anyone who allows them. Following that logic, that means a dude would sleep with someone who was passed out drunk, as long as she said it was ok before she passed out. I'd like to think that some men have discerning tastes and will not just sleep with a woman just because they can.
Search, seek help.
Jdid, I see where you're going with this. And yes, I know there are some people who date their friends' exes. However, this dude knew her and knew me well enough to know that we were not in that category - and especially after the shitty way he treated her.
LOL...enigma, my advice came from a man.
I think that one of the problems women have is not wanting to believe that many men will "do what they can".
What my uncle meant was that if a woman doesn't respect herself and put her foot down, her man will do whatever his heart desires without consideration for her...why should he if she doesn't stand up for herself?
It's more about a woman respecting herself than it is selling men short.
How many women do you know that put up with all kinds of garbage from a man, just because they love them, or have kids with them, or is married to them?
I have a policy of not sleeping with people in my circle. i don't know why people do it, its just wrong
i went to a friend's party once, and in full view of her, he started to grope and grind and place hands in all kinds of inappropriate places. "you should really behave," i told him before disentangling myself. "you're probably right," he replied.
probably?
they're bored. and radmila is right. as is jdid. dudes don't think of it like that. when years have passed they normally don't consider it the same way we do.
I thought you said a little whine up doesn't mean anything to caribbean people
Maybe he understood and shared the sentiment
And maybe you're freind would of understand that
good one Anonymous January 12, 2008 3:51 AM
Ok, without the whole inner circle or friends crap is it wrong to dance with somebody else at the club if your involved?
OK and what about going to a strip club is it wrong,if your involved?
Even more what about a lab dance, if your involved?
Can a generalized yes or no cover it or does it all depend on your particular relationship?
@ the first Anonymous. There is a wine, and there's a wine. I've danced with plenty of my friends' boyfriends without incident and without feeling like there was any intent behind it. This dude got hard the minute he started dancing with me. Ugh. And he is not Caribbean (if you recall where I made that statement it was on an entry bigging up Caribbean men who understand how to wine with a woman without being disrespectful or creepy) so he definitely doesn't understand the dynamic. In addition, in all the years I've danced with friends boyfriends and husbands, none have tried to grope me and grind their dicks into my arse. I think I've made it clear now. LOL.
@Anon 2:No, it's not wrong to dance with someone at the club if you are involved, but there is a way to do it. I personally wouldn't be grinding with another dude if I'm involved, but carnival is a notable exception cos ppl just dance and move on. I also don't see anything wrong with strip clubs and lap dances, but personally I don't understand it. Never got why anyone would want some random half-naked person writhing in their face when they can have the same at home for free.
In the case of male strippers, I've seen footage of strippers lifting woen unto their faces during their routines. That grosses me out.
Don't think there is a yes or no answer to any situation, but I think it's not the SItUATION that makes it wong, it's the INTENT.
If you have a juicy ass, you gotta pay the piper. Nuff said.
There are ways to dance with the significant other of a friend....that way is to pretend that the friend is watching and behave accordingly.
Both men and women go for the cheap feel/thrill.....I accompanied my wife to an entertainment-related black tie affair for her job where one of the sponors (a client of her company who provided the invitation only tix) walked up and kissed her on the cheek. In spite of her protest that it's just some Hollywood chyt (this is the east coast) there were a lot of subtleties that led me to believe he was being disrespectful....not the least of which is he didn't kiss another female period the whole night....rather he extended his hand in a professional manner. I'm a guy, I know that some guys will get away with what they can and will often take the opportunity when and how it presents itself, with or without a significant other present. I gave him a frosty look and he spent the remainder of the evening trying to strike up small talk with me to determine how bad he'd fooked up. I applaud the people here who stand up to these would-be spoilers. If you don't stand up for the integrity of your relationship whether your sig other is present or not....who will?
Wow, just wow at both dudes. You handled yourself well in the second situation, because I think I would've gone off. That's just ugh *shivers*
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