She's Engaged To A Player

Stacy, 33,

New York, NY

I recently got engaged to the love of my life. We've been together for 8 years, and I think I got used to all the things about him that annoy me, except one and it's a BIG one.

He's really into video games, and sometimes it disrupts our lives and has caused many fights. I can't tell you how many times I've had to cancel plans we made days before because he got caught up in a game and lost track of time. And when his friends are over? Forget it! I think I could be dead in the next room and he wouldn't notice unless I fell on the fuse box and tripped it out.

I tried talking to him before about it, but he says I have to understand that that's his thing and respect it. Just this past week we were supposed to go to check out a couple places for our reception and he was late to both appointments "finishing up a game". Countless times I've asked him to do something and he'll promise to do it, but will play a game, which turns into another and another, until I just get frustrated and either do it myself or ask someone else to do it.

This is really driving me nuts, and I'm seriously considering calling off the engagement. My friends think I'm being petty, but this is a big deal for me.

Well, let me say up front that I'm probably not the best person to ask for advice on this particular topic, simply because it's a huuuuge pet peeve of mine. Add to that the fact that I don't really have any serious, I-can't-think-about-anything-else-except-this vices and you have a woman who's just can't understand how a video game could be more important than hanging out with someone you're into.

I once had a guy postpone our date to finish up a video game, and that automatically set his status in my mind. Sure I went out with him after that, but I knew that it would never get serious or be anything more than just going out and shooting the breeze. He basically told me that his video games were more important without even saying a word.

I dunno, call me crazy, but I think after a certain age, a man should, well, act like a MAN. I'm not saying that he shouldn't play video games, but when it's affecting your home life like that?! That's just childish and immature.

I don't think you're overreacting (again consider the source), but you're trying to build a future with this guy and if he can't put down the games long enough to take care of his duties and the shit he's supposed to be taking care of, then I say that's your red flag right there.

What if you have a kid together? How are you gonna get him to do the stuff that he's supposed to do then, when you can't even get him to do the stuff for the wedding he initiated by asking you to marry him? Is he just gonna sit around on the couch all day playing video games with his daughter/son, or will he be motivated to get up and do stuff? I've heard parenthood really puts things in perspective and forces some men to grow up...but what if he's not one of those men?

I can't really advise you to let 8 years go down the drain, but if you're not comfortable with how things are, you should speak up. If you marry him this way, be prepared to live with him the way you married him - for better, or worse. But be honest and upfront. Let him know that what's on the line. Maybe he's been lax about it before because he didn't know how much it bothered you, but if you let him know that this could be a deal breaker, he might shape up.

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