The Reason I Have Brown Eyes

A.M., 26
Brooklyn, NY

My girlfriend says my jealousy is starting to affect our relationship, and she's thinking that we might need a break. I really don't think that I'm that bad. Granted, I don't like when she goes out to clubs and stuff like that, but that's because I know the men there are mad thirsty and I know how they love to grope women and I just can't think of my girl in that kinda situation.

She thinks I don't trust her, but it's not her I don't trust, it's the men out there. I know she's a good catch, and I just want her to be mine and I don't like the fact that when she goes out other guys are going to be trying to kick it to her. I've explained this a hundred times, but she still feels like I don't trust her.

When we met she had a couple guy friends that she used to hang with, and I asked her to stop seeing them so frequently. I'm a guy, I know how guys think, and trust me those guys weren't trying to be her "friend". She's always bringing that up too, saying I'm too possessive and cutting her friends out of her life. What can I say to her to make her see that it's not her I have the problem with it's the thirsty guys out there who are always trying to push up on her?


Sounds more like you're acting like her father than her man. When you met her, she had these friends and if she hadn't slept with them then, what makes you think that she'd want to especially after she started seeing you? First the friends, then you curtail her going out...have you started telling her she can't wear revealing clothes yet? You know you're on the verge of becoming one of those crazy possessive boyfriends you see in teh Lifetime movies, right? No seriously.

The quickest way to get rid of someone is to smother them, and it sounds like she can barely breathe. If someone wants to cheat, they're gonna, regardless, so this is just wasted effort on your part. And that bullshit excuse about "it's everybody else that you don't trust" is, well, bullshit. LOL. Bottom line is, if you trusted HER, you'd be secure knowing that she wouldn't do anything to compromise your relationship.

This is my take on jealousy: I think it's one of the most insulting things a partner can project onto me. I feel like when your partner is unreasonably jealous s/he is basically saying, "I don't trust you to do the right thing." Some women think it's flattering, but that shit is a major turn off for me. (I mean, a little jealous is human nature...what you're doing is borderline irrational). If I'm a grown-ass woman who's made the decision to be with you, trust and respect that I'll do what it takes to be faithful and I don't need you watching my every move to do so.

Also, jealousy is a sign of insecurity and this chick can't have any Doubtful Donavans around me. I've got my own issues, I don't have the time to be constantly reassuring you that I want to be with you. My patience for that type of thing runs out really quickly. (It works in reverse as well, just in case you're wondering...I'm sure no dude wants to ALWAYS be telling his girl why he's with her because she has security issues).

Don't get me wrong, I've had my meetings with the Green-Eyed Monster myself, but I check that shit with a quickness, because I know it's my issue, not his. Especially when he's given me no reason to feel jealous of other women. I'll make my little smart-ass comments every once in a while, but I really make an effort not make my insecurity an issue. Your partner is with you for a reason, trust and respect that.

Remember, this is a person, not a piece of property. She is capable of handling herself when she goes out to a club and a guy tries to hit on her. Give her some credit and get over your insecurities or you might lose her. At least she gave you a heads up...some women would've just gotten frustrated and ended it.

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