Sometimes, It's Not So Fun at the YMCA

I used to belong to a really snooty gym in midtown Manhattan - the kind that provides everything from gym clothes to tampons; that steams your suits; shines your shoes; has a cafe, whirlpool, massage parlor - the works. One of the major reasons I went to that gym was to avoid the Leering Black Man - i.e., the type of dude whose eyes you could feel boring into your ass while you did your squats. I dunno, there's just something about a man admiring me while I'm all dirty and funky and sweaty that just creeps me out. I know, I'm weird. I've learned to live with it. Some might argue that the gym still had the Leering White Man, but since I really take no notice of white guys, who cares what they're doing? So I got me a gym where the black dudes were all professional executive types, ninety percent of whom were dating white girls. LOL. (Believe me, I'm not hating...a brotha at the gym who's only interested in looking at the white girls' bodies is my friend).

So I got used to this chichi-fufu lifestyle. Then I reprioritized my life, and realized that it was silly to spend all that money on a gym where I wasn't even using half the services all to avoid the Leering Black Men. So my dear readers, I went to the exact opposite of my snooty gym. I joined the Y...in tha 'hood.

Lemme take a brief respite to explain something about me: whenever I go out - no matter where it is - if there is an old man, or a rasta with one tooth (or
toothless) anywhere in the vicinity, he will undoubtedly try to talk to me.

With that in mind, let me continue my story. So I signed up for the Y, and decided one Saturday morning to attend the total body conditioning class. The instructor was a short (my height), older man (probably in his mid-40's). He gave me The Smile, but it kinda gave me the creeps in a dirty-old-man sorta way. This can't be good, I thought. After class he asked me my name. I told him and kept it moving. He followed me downstairs to the machines, and talked to me for a while, and throughout I gave him the Deep Freeze (i.e., the monosyllabic answers coupled with intense concentration on my workout). He finally got the hint and left.

As luck would have it, he was the instructor for all the good classes at the gym during the times I could take them. Go figure. So I had no choice but to attend his class, and try to stay out of his (Leering Black Man) line of sight (which proved fruitless, since he'd always shout me out when I came into the class). After the first two weeks, I relaxed my guard. He'd gotten the picture...my Deep Freeze had apparently succeeded. The following Saturday after class, he asked me out. And it wasn't even a I'm-an-older-man-take-charge kinda ask out...it was a timid-stuttering-teenage-boy ask out. Not that it would've mattered anyway. I told him I was seeing someone and politely declined.

Damn, I thought, can't a sista just work out in peace?? Needless to say, I felt kinda awkward afterwards so I stopped going to his class. I'd see him in the gym, say hi, and keep it moving. Then I didn't see him for about three months - actually, I kinda forgot he existed. That was until I ran into him (literally) on the gym floor and he rolled up on me, gave me a hug AND A KISS ON THE CHEEK, like we were old friends. I was too stunned to do anything but stand there.

He told me that his schedule had changed and he now worked in the mornings, and invited me to change my schedule to mornings as well. I made it very clear that I was an Evening Gym Girl, and wouldn't be changing my schedule for all the tea in China, but was comforted by the fact that I wouldn't be seeing him much any more.

But there he was, the very next EVENING in the gym, leering at me. I made sure to wave to him from faaaaaaaaaar away so we wouldn't have any more unfortunate public displays of affection, and busied myself with a machine when I saw him coming over. He made several more attempts to greet me with the hug/kiss combo, but I always managed to evade them. I think he finally gave up, because the last time I went to the gym he gave me The Head Nod. I'm ok with that.

Damn, can't a sista work out in peace??? And to make matters worse, I haven't seen Dreamy Dread in a month!

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