Take Me As I Am
Considering the contents of this entry, I guess I couldn't use someone else's picture. LOL. I was gonna post a picture of me, but the Real Me doesn't like to take pictures, so take me as I am, dammit.
So take me as I am, or have nothing at all.Most of us say that we want a real person as our partner. We want someone who’s gonna be consistent, keep it real and act like themselves. The truth is, 90% of the time, we (both men and women) can’t handle the real person. We want the “real” person, but just a teeeeensy bit nicer, or just a liiiiiiiiiiiitle bit more cultured, or maybe if she wasn’t so loud all the time, or maybe if he would be willing to eat out a little more…the list of “little” things we wish they’d change never ends.
Just take me as I am, or have nothing at all.
- Mary J. Blige,
“Take Me As I Am”
Men and women have gotten hip to the game. Men have figured out that the “real guy” women want to see is not the dude who has no idea what he wants to do with his life and who’s been laying funky on his couch all weekend with his hand in his boxers scratching his nuts and smelling his armpits. Women have realized that the chick who can cornrow the hair on her legs or fart the Star Spangled Banner – as real as she may be – isn’t getting many real dates.
Under this guise, the people we introduce as the Real Me in the beginning stages of a courtship are people we barely know ourselves: the nicer, more cultured, more charming versions of Real Me, because (let’s be honest here) the real you probably wouldn’t get a date with James or Keisha half as quickly as your First Date Stunt Double would. But what happens three months down the line when James or Keisha starts complaining that you’ve changed? You don’t clean half as much as you used to, you barely go to the gym anymore, you’re lazier, more obnoxious, and less interested in the things you used to LOVE to do. What then? How do you introduce the Real You when they’ve been dating your better half (and lovin’ it) for the past few months?
That’s why I’ve adopted a different strategy to dating. The second time I saw The Love of My Life (you haven’t met him yet – that’s another story for another day), which also happened to be our first “date”, I took a crap while he was in my apartment. And it wasn’t just any ole crap, it was a bad one that ran through the entire apartment and stayed, despite the open windows. It took almost an entire box of incense to restore the equilibrium to the place. At the time, I was a little mortified because I still was using my First Date Personality. I felt certain that was gonna be our last date, but he was actually impressed by realness and stuck around. (I’d like to think my charming personality had a little to do with it too, though.)
Since then, I’ve implemented my new strategy. On the first few dates, if I’m interested in dude, he will most likely meet The Real Me - gassy, greasy, not HALF as together and organized as people think I am, sarcastic, self-deprecating, fiercely opinionated and usually with a flare-up of seborrheic dermatitis. If he’s not completely turned off, it can only get better from there on in.
I guess that explains why I have a lot of first dates and not many second ones. LOL. But it’s all good…Life is too short to waste time with the pleasantries. If dude isn’t feeling the real me, I did us both a favor and saved us a couple months.
I know most people are gonna be like, “Yeah, I’m real…I always put the Real Me out when I meet people.” Hope you remember that the next time you’re dancing in front of the mirror trying to get your penis to swing in a full circle or when you’re shaving the legs you haven’t shaved in MONTHS because you think you’re gonna get some.
Edit: What a coin-ki-dink! Shortly after I posted this entry, a friend sent me this link to an article in the NY Post. Precisely the sort of thing I'm trying to avoid! A great read...
What’s the real you like when you’re at home and no one’s watching? C’mon, keep it real!
Email me a dating/relationship question to answer on my blog.
Labels: Must Reads, Simply SE
posted by SimplEnigma @ 11:28 AM
8 comments
8 Comments:
*clap* *clap* *clap*
I'm the same way. I try to excuse myself in terms of the farting and shitting because that's not the real me either. But, I'll show you my big faults UP-FRONT. You have the choice to take it or leave it. There are somethings about me that I consider to be faults, but even some of those I don't want/plan to change and some of them I've had problems overcomming so get used to it because that's the "me" you are going to see 5, 6, 8 months from now.
This is exactly the reason why I never answer the question "what are you looking for in a [mate]?" Once you've answered that question it becomes too tempting for that person to try and mimic those things. I rather you show me what you have and I'll show you mine and if I'm liking the blend and you're liking the blend we can move forward.
So yeah, I endorse the "real you." There is nothing worse than being spoiled with smoooooooooo-oooo-ooothly shaven unblemished legs for the first 2 months then WHAM!! STUBBLES!!
16% said:
"This is exactly the reason why I never answer the question "what are you looking for in a [mate]?" Once you've answered that question it becomes too tempting for that person to try and mimic those things."
I never thought of it like that, but I suppose if you're really feeling the person you would try (even if it is subconsciously) to be more like their ideal. Interesting perspective...
Oh, and please know that I don't go around farting at dinner tables a la the Klumps either. But in the early days when I was using my First Date Stunt Double, even excusing myself wasn't a thought because I was sooo focused on making a good first impression.
I'm not a shit/fart kinda girl. I don't dig bathroom humour and the "real me" is grossed out by the idea of others-any gender- knowing when I do it (particularly the former).
I'm not a big fan of the unshaven either. If I'm going out-I'm going smooth. It enables my ego.
For me it's not so much a dating stunt double as an opportunity to attack with full artilery. I mean who really wants to go out on the battle field with a rusty butter knife and a few stink bombs?
@BIM: It gets me everytime. Whenever I'm trying to make a larger point, I usually think of the grossest thing to make it - which is bodily functions. What typically happens is that people start focusing on that, rather than the larger point, which, in this case is that the real you shouldn't come out after 5 months of dating, it should start the second you meet the person.
When WILL I learn?
(Note: see edit made to original entry at the bottom).
Awww damn... agreement number 2. That is the best thing I've read yet. Don't know bout the bathroom situation though. Might have to think about that one for a minute as the smell smacks me upside the head. But, really I have realized the same after being told I'm "so nice" one time too many. I know I'm not perfect and even worse when the "nice" thing is used to give you the "kiss of death" for why it wouldn't work. They assume they will be able to walk over me, when in reality I can give you the biggest challenge in that area. I'm nice when I choose to be, not because I have no backbone.
I think this has the potential of becoming pretty philosophical (of which I am not)But,yes I grasped your larger picture. I guess what I'm suggesting is that the real us is not necessarily the comfortable us. It may be that the front guy, the one we draw on so rarely, is the better, more powerful, more confident and beautiful us. When it seems safe to be lazy, we slip into an apathy which isn't "real" at all. It's actually more fake than the one we put our energy and thought into. Certainly, my sit on the couch and pick my nose me is not the one I'd choose as real when I wake up from this dream.
P.S. the article in your edit speaks to something different than "the nicer, more cultured, more charming versions of the Real me". It speaks of the nicer, more cultured, more charming versions of the Real someone else. Different kettle of fish.
@ Mr. A: I can't comment on the "too nice" thing, because I've never understood it myself. I hate when people say that to me...it's not possible for someone to be too nice, IMO...we all have our dark sides. LOL @ "agreement number 2"...
BIM said: "I guess what I'm suggesting is that the real us is not necessarily the comfortable us."
I don't see how one can be real and true to oneself, yet not be comfortable. "Real and uncomfortable" is a bit of an oxymoron, no? Can't speak for anyone else, but I'm most uncomfortable when I'm putting on that First Date Personality.
I also disagree that apathy isn't real...IMO, it's probably one of the realest emotions there is. Sometimes, people simply don't care.
I appreciate the perspective...it takes all different types to keep this rock spinning
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