Black People Meet...or do they?
A couple weeks ago I looked BPM up again. They were having a special: $9.95 for a month of ultimate access. Please note the difference here between BPM and eHarmony. eHarmony is taking $30 of your money and promising you results, yet half the black people I know who've tried it have been unsuccessful. BPM is letting you do your own search for a fraction of the cost. Could it be that they know black people aren't tryna pay $30/month to meet someone? Or could it be a case of you get what you pay for - hence the quasi-ghetto-fabulousness of the site? LOL...But I digress....So I signed up, paid my $9.95 (which ended up being $14 and change after "taxes" - WTF? taxes on a dating site?) and proceeded to search the profiles.
One of the funniest things about BlackPeopleMeet.com is that I started getting flirts and messages from white men. Yup, white men. This is yet another example of how the races think differently, coz I know for damn sure that I'm not tryna join a site called WhitePeopleMeet.com. Last time black people showed up to a place where white people meet....well...let's not get sidetracked. LOL. So I eventually had to rewrite my profile a bit. Now they look but they don't flirt.
Second funniest thing: I was getting emails from men who were old enough to be my father - actually a few of them were older than my father, come to think of it. I'm sure a couple probably even had KIDS my age. I just don't understand; you look at my profile, see I'm half your age, and think what? That of aaaaaaaalll the men on the site, I'm gonna choose your geriatric ass?!
#3: I can totally see why men and women are rarely ever on the same page. BPM has this thing called a flirt, where someone can send you a canned, unimaginative message that says, "I'm interested in you" or "I liked your profile" or something equally mundane. The guys who usually send flirts are, from their profiles, just as lame as the flirts they send. But because I don't wanna be rude, I'll respond saying something like, "thanks for your kind words." Now if that's not a brush-off, I dunno what is.
Yet, one dude took this as his invitation that I was interested. So he sends me his phone number (mind you, we've had 1 email conversation at this point) and then invites me to meet him at a club in the city. Did I mention that he has this long emotional rant on his profile about how "women play games and act all coy on the site as if we're not all here looking for the same thing"? Evidently he doesn't recognize that his too-eager approach is what's making women aloof.
I sent him an email saying maybe that's why he's having problems meeting women on the site because he scares them off with his aggressive approach. I'm scared to log in to see his response. LOL.
But my BPM experience wasn't all bad; I actually got an email from someone that I knew from college (it was rumored that he went crazy, but that has NOT been proven and he seems pretty normal online). I haven't emailed him back though, because I'm not sure if I should bring up that we went to school together...it might be awkward. I also met another dude who was a lot my type from his profile. And the kicker: when he emailed me to say that I'd "piqued his interest" and actually used "piqued" instead of "peaked" (those of you who read my grammar post will know why I'm so excited) and made some witty remark about a Cuba Libre. Any dude that can make a rum and coke sound sexy is ok in my book. LOL. So we'll see how that goes...
I have two weeks left on my subscription; maybe there'll be a part 2. Hehe.
Now's your chance at 2 minutes of fame; use it wisely.
Drop me a line!
posted by SimplEnigma @ 1:46 PM
30 comments
30 Comments:
it was rumored that he went crazy, but that has NOT been proven and he seems pretty normal online
lol I'm sure you should realize by now that nothing is as it seems online.
Adrian,
As we were discussing the other day in the Moving Offline post, nothing is as it seems offline either...Life's a gamble. LOL.
Ohh God I am so with you regarding the grammar.. spelling is the kicker for me..
Last time I spoke to someone online he asked me over for a glass of wine at his place. I said .. Sorry, not going to some guys house on first meeting. He then suggested we meet at the video shop on the corner of his street.
These men have heard about me I think.. they are just begging to get a caning on my site.. Surely that's it..
He then suggested we meet at the video shop on the corner of his street.
Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaa....
If I ever get into a committed relationship, I bequeath you my M.O.D. blog...your stories are soooo entertaining.
Ok. I don't understand this whole internet dating trend. You ladies realize that the men you meet online are the same ones you would have met offline, RIGHT?
From these stories all you seem to have accomplished is to multiply the number of bad results, which lends to my point; these are the same men you walked past on the street, get home, turn your 'puter on and VOILA, his chances with you is so much improved. I'm just a little puzzled.
Could one of you ladies explain the appeal?
Well, I can't speak for the rest of the women, but for me it's a couple of reasons:
1) I've been told by a few guys that I look unapproachable; so guys never approach me. I may be 50% of the problem, but I refuse to walk around grinning like a village idiot just to make some guy feel more comfortable chatting me up.
2) I've decided that my days of being the chaser are over. I wanna see how it feels to be the chasee for once in my life.
3) These could very well be the same guys but for some reason (maybe it's tied to reason number 1) our paths never cross offline.
4) Let me turn this around. If these are the same guys that are offline, why do they have to wait until we're online to approach us? Obviously looks isn't a factor since I don't have a face shot up on BPM.
Finally, my wit just doesn't translate as well offline. LOL.
Hmm. All the reasons you've given seem to be easily remedied offline. An OCCASIONAL flirtatious smile at the opportune time can fix # 1 and # 2. As for # 3 and # 4; well if enough people tell you that you're unapproachable, maybe you are.
Trust me, your paths cross. THEY MUST. These guys aren't computer programs. They're regular people who go online.
The reason they seem so appealing online, I'm assuming, is because, just like you, they aren't as witty offline. That's why I'm always apprehensive about people who go on about who they are because it's so easy to package the person you HOPE TO BE as the person you ACTUALLY ARE and sell it to someone who's in the market for the person who you hope to be. {confusing I know, but I can't figure out how else to say it}.
What kind of places do you go to on a regular basis, where you'd be open to being approached? We know the Gym is out!
16%, I think I should correct you on one error that I see you made in both posts. Online dating is no more appealing than offline dating, IMO...I've done both, and I've even done a little speed dating, and a little lock n key dating for good measure...I'm sure the women (and men) who date people they meet online are also dating people they meet offline as well.
I don't find one way any more appealing than another; however, some people find online dating to be easier...it's not necessarily about misrepresenting oneself. I actually think in some instances you might even get a truer representation of who the person is chatting to them online for a few weeks before actually meeting. But that's just me...and it may only happen in some instances.
Yes, I am unapproachable, but the truth be known the "occasional flirtatious smile" is not me. THAT would be more of a misrepresentation of me than the stuff I say online.
Funny enough, a friend of mine from England happened upon my blog which had been forwarded through 6 degrees of separation. Without knowing who the author was after reading one post, she used the link to send me an email asking if I was "So n So". So I do think offline personality can translate online as well.
I forgot to say: take the dude that we've been exchanging emails for the past week...he lives in Harlem and goes to lounges.
I only go to Harlem once a month on the first Saturdays, and I don't go to lounges if I can help it...when would our paths have crossed?
You make it seem so easy...Maybe in Pleasantville, with population 3500, but not so easy in NYC.
So Enigma, when you say flashing the flirtatious smile "isn't you," are you telling me it's easier to go online, create a profile and wait for someone (whom you may not even find physically appealing) to respond, than it is to flash a smile at a guy you find physically appealing?
I don't know Enigma; I'm always cautious about what I'm seeing in people when they're trying to put their best foot forward and I just picture dating sites filled with people who are trying to be impressive. And the only thing you have to go on is what they tell you.
As for Harlem Dude, "he aint irreplaceable!" No disrepect to dude but whatever you find appealing about him I'm sure you can find in someone who goes to the places you frequent. Just drop the armor and enjoy the chasee life. :)
Maybe I'm over-simplifying things, but you make it sound so DIFFICULT. You think you have too many options?
BTW, I see your point as far as dating both online and offline. What in the world is "Lock and Key Dating" though?
As in NYC so it is in Melbourne.. kind of.. Yes the guys are the same online as they are 'offline'.. and yes my shortcomings (I really write much hotter than I look) could be the same as his.. But you know.. we gals aren't such visual beings.. It's guys that place the emphasis on the physical..
Things like spelling and grammar and being able to hold a conversation are important to us so online dating is perfect!! hee hee
No - honestly we are testing out for synergies in conversation..
Thanks my love for bequeathing me your M.O.D.
God I wish I wasn't the likely candidate for your succession planning.. but unfortunately I think you are right.. My dating life is awful. Funny.. awful.
hmmm. Based on what I'm reading, perhaps the blogger needs to create a dating site for the readers. LOL We are probably closer to being on the same wavelength.
Anyhow, I checked out that site (ahh the magic of using a fake e-mail. They should fix that part.) and I have to say, there are some ghetto women. But, there seem to be some very decent "on paper" catches on there. Might have to do some more "reasearch."
LOL
@ 16%: It takes NOTHING out of me create a profile and log into my email (which I'm on about 10 hours of the day anyway). So it's not a matter of easier, just what's more convenient. I'm a creature of habit: I typically go to the same parties and do the same things...so it's a convenient way for me to meet people I wouldn't normally meet.
On the other hand, flirting not second nature to me. I happen to think it's faker than anything I could say online...Acting all coquettish is just not my style...But that's just me. I don't flirt with a guy unless I know he's interested...
Maybe I look at it from a different perspective because I have a couple of special friends in my life that I've met online. I'm closer to one of them than I am to my own sister. When my house got broken into at 2 a.m., she was the first person I called...so I do think that online relationships are just as possible as they are offline...it's just what each person deems to be appropriate for them.
I don't think online dating should replace offline social interraction, but as Kimba said I'm more interested in what a person has to SAY than their 6-pack abs, and I think offline we tend to be attracted more to the physical before we attempt to look at anything else. Online, I read the profile before I even look at the picture.
Ah 16% - you see it's not just a case of flashing a flirtatious smile now and then and suddenly men who you'd actually want to meet come running.
Cos I've tried that and it seems that what you mostly get is guys stepping to you with inane comments / lines that wouldn't even pick up my Grandmother.
For me the problem with on-line dating is the spark factor - you just can't tell if it's going to be there before you meet in person, no matter how witty, smart and interesting a person seems. Sometimes you meet and there's a heap of chemistry, and other times nada.
SE, I've also been told I'm unapproachable. Someone once said "you walk around like you've got it going on and you don't need anyone or anything." I don't know what we can do about this - I don't want to pretend to be stupid or hopeless in order to meet people. And wearing one of those "Hi I'm available - talk to me" badges isn't an option - it wouldn't go with anything in my wardrobe..
So you ladies aren't doing online dating because you feel it's a BETTER option, but rather because it's just an alternate option? It's more of an accessability solution rather than a compatability solution?
@ Ness, personally I'm over the whole "you're unapproachable" thing. It's a copout, plain and simple. I feel if you like me enough or get a certain vibe from me, you'll approach me. Their loss...*shrugs*
@16%: I don't think ANY option is better...they're just options. Some people will say meeting a person at church is a better option than meeting them in the supermarket, or at a club, or on the street....I say it depends on the PERSON not the location. Online vs. offline dating is the same thing, IMO. The location doesn't matter so much as the person...
I give up on internet dating. Yeah, it is like meeting someone offline, but The internet attracts many outcasts. Don't let me get started on the drama I encountered with online dating sites. The last one was an alcohol, online sex chat addict with an STD. I give up. It sucks too when you get to know the person, offer your time, just to find out they are one screw loose of a broken organ. It is a major gamble of time and now money. aarrrggg
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LOL...I guess I'm an outkast then...
We're going in circles...people have STDs offline (as a matter of fact, unless there have been some new developments that I'm unaware of, you have to be offline to actually catch an STD) and are addicted to porn and have all the emotional baggage...
Ah well, to each his own.
Not saying you are, it is obvious that you are not. I meant, you meet them online and take it offline. Then you find out that he relies on booze and sex chat to pass the day. I mean, when 9/10 of them are crazies from dating sites, I give up. It use to be fun but no more.
Lets put these offline vs. online arguments to rest. This is an area where people hold fast to their view until something happens and they see the other viewpoint.
With that said, here is my thought.
The type of man SE, and possibly the other female responders, is looking for would probably not approach her at all. They might do so if they work with her or interact with her on a regular basis, but not just randomly. Of course there are exceptions, and it could still happen. Some people don't believe in fake lines to talk to someone. Sometimes a guy just doesn't have the right words to say before that lady goes about her day. But online, that same guy has time to think about what he is saying. Does that mean he isn't a great person offline? No. It just gave him a venue to have a non-forced conversation in my opinion. This doesn't even have to happen on a dating site. It could be a number of other sites.
I think you've summed up what I was trying to say very well, Mr. A...damn, here I was thinking I was an exceptional online communicator...LOL.
so, ahh....mr. A and SE...why not arrange a date....you two would have great repartee...hmmm...yes, I like this idea..
back to topic...dating is a chore, so offline or online, however you find the person you can actually stomach for hours at a time, good on you. I can't say that I'd do the online dating thing (because I'd probably get a machete tossed at me ROFL), just seems more meat marketish than actual meeting and arranging said date.
Anyhoo...find it where ever you can...life is indeed a gamble...on or offline
While I have created several profiles all over, I can't see myself doing the internet dating. I love reading the responses to the profiles though. I feel bad sometimes because I figure I'm wasting someone's time.
Sounds like my experience. I swore the whole thing off!
http://bushbabee.blogspot.com/2006/12/dating-sites-suck.html
Well all of you who can read, know that blackpeoplemeet.com is for those who want to meet black people? So why all the huss if whites are on there trying to meet someone of color? So when i see a white woman's profile, i assume they want to meet a black man...no harm in that.
.....
The comment about the spelling had me laughing! That is right on point. I was thinking of changing my profile so that EVERYTHING was phonetically spelled just to prove a point-when I get bored, I love to laugh, so to make something out of NOTHING (BPM) I will poke fun at some of the illiterate brothas. I am still waiting for the site that requires profe of HIV testing etc-unfortunately that would illiminate too many. . . Scary huh?
Please forgive my typos. . .LOL
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