Death of a Salesman

"There is nothing more alluring to a woman than the waning attraction of a man." - Kimba, The Love Quote

I suck at sales; I can't even brag about myself without feeling narcissistic, obnoxious and overbearing. I got a promotion last week and I only told about 4 people - and just because they asked about work - and even then, I tried to downplay it as much as possible.

"It's not that big of a deal.", "Anyone could've done that.", and "I'm just your average chick." are regular sentences I used to describe my accomplishments. This might seem surprising, considering that I'm a Sr. Marketing Consultant for the 15th largest company in the world and it's my job to, well, create marketing materials and campaigns that drive sales. LOL. I know, I'm a walking oxymoron.

To help with my sales problem, I went to a workshop a couple years ago called Brag! The Art of Tooting Your Own Horn Without Blowing It. It was taught by Peggy Klaus, the author of a book by the same name. It was pretty much a class on how to sell yourself and accentuate your positive points to others without coming across as an overbearing beast...(this is where the story gets interesting)

At one point during my tumultous relationship with the First Love, I had to draw on those Brag! skills. I found myself trying to convince him that I was the one for him. (I know, I know, it's not one of my proudest moments, but it happened and I'm woman enough to admit it.) I believe he actually asked, "Why do you think we'd be so good together?" and I began prattling off a list of attributes that I thought made me his perfect match. Now, I shudder to think that I actually answered such a question, but things like that, starvation, poverty and homelessness build character...LOL. Anyway, somewhere between extolling the virtues of my infamous brown-stew salmon and my Certificate in being the Ultimate Supportive Significant Other, I caught myself.

This is crazy, I thought, why am I trying to sell myself to this person who says he's in love with me? I hadn't a clue. I thought of every product I'd ever bought and tried to remember the reason why I'd bought it. Save for the time Asha made me spend $30 on frilly lotions and scrubs that the sales associate swore came directly from the minerals of the Dead Sea (I'm still trying to figure out how two women with 2 bachelors and a masters between them fell for that crap), I've always bought stuff because I actually believed in it or because it had worked for other people I knew, not because of some swift-talking salesperson.

So I decided to apply a similar rationale to my love life: instead of trying to convince the ex that I was a good match, I decided that he'd either have to see it for himself or get a testimonial. And since the latter was probably out of the question, he'd just have to believe that I was worth it.

Apparently I wasn't. LMAO. But that's ok, I can't imagine being with someone who's only 80% sure that they wanna be with me. Besides, I also learned a valuable lesson which I shared a few months ago. You should never have to convince someone that you're worth their time and effort. Ever. And if it gets to that point, maybe s/he just isn't the person you're meant to be with. I have friends (both male and female) who've convinced their significant other that it was time to get married; or that it was time to move in together; or that it was time to have a baby. And now those salespeople are beginning to wonder if that was such a good sell, especially when that wasn't what their significant other wanted in the first place.

When you convince someone to do something they're not 100% sure of, one of two things will happen. Either they'll:

a) go along because they really do care about you and they don't want to lose you, even though their heart isn't fully in it (and probably resent you later for forcing them to make the decision when they weren't ready), or

b) just end it right there, without fully knowing the possibility of what could've been.

Either way, it's a lose-lose situation.

Are you convinced?