It's Not Easy Letting Go...The Re-Classification
I have shopping receipts from 3 years ago; I still have the program from the first Broadway play I ever saw; and I still have shoes in my closet that I haven't worn in 5 years.
Funny how the minute you think everything is in the past, you find some itty, bitty insignifcant thing that kinda says otherwise. LOL. Why am I holding on to this toothbrush? I have no clue. I considered the possibility that maybe I just forgot it was there. But I've cleaned out that little basket a hundred times since September - and I automatically put the toothbrush back in the saaaaaaaame spot. Maybe I'm a creature of habit.
A friend of mine "gently" (LMAO) pointed out another example of me not letting go that hadn't even occurred to me. Referring to the ex as the Love of My Life. "You've given him a title that no other man can touch," Friend X said. "If I was one of the dudes that was trying to date you, I'd be put off by that title, cos it's telling me that no matter how hard I try I'll never get to that spot cos some other guy's got it...no wonder you don't get dates from guys who read your blog!" And here I was thinking it was because they were scared they were gonna be mentioned in a future entry. LOL.
"Why not call him your First Love? That way you're leaving room for the possibility of another love."
Ahhh, funny how it always makes perfect sense after someone says it. LOL. Shit, why couldn't he have said this 4 months ago??? Actually, come to think of it, 16% said something pretty similar back then...hmm, maybe I wasn't ready to listen.
So anyway, 10 paragraphs later...I've had an epiphany of sorts. Friend X is right; a re-classification is in order. From here on in, The Love of My Life will be known as My First Love. And the best thing is it doesn't obliterate what was...it just leaves room for what could be.
Now I feel all warm and fuzzy inside. LOL. Oh, and in case you're wondering, I threw out the toothbrush...and the 3-year old receipt for a suit I've worn 50 times since then.
What are you holding on to?
Email me a question, or just to say hi, or to tell me about your annoying neighbors...
Labels: First Love, Love of My Life, Simply SE
posted by SimplEnigma @ 7:53 PM
12 comments
12 Comments:
Well Deb you're not alone, not in the list bit. Hmm lemme see...I still have a rose from the bouquet my ex gave me on our 2 year anniversary, I have my high school phone book that I no longer use but can't get rid of, I have my sticker book from elementary school..girl I could go on forever.
Anyway, I'm glad that you took friend ex's advice to start calling "the love of your life" your first love.
So; HOW DO YOU FEEL? Were you reluctant to "reclassify?" Is it liberating? Was he REALLY your "first love" or are you just hoping that reclassifying will somehow reduce his significance and help you with "letting go" of him (the ex)?
Can't really think of anything that I hold on to that doesn't deserve to be held on to. Well maybe a little bit of post-relationship guilt which might in fact be good for me. So yeah, nothing. I like my luggage!
Ha,when I ended my MR. BIG-esque relationship. I threw away everything that could possibly remind me of him..every flower, every card, every email (thank God for the search function on Gmail), every Myspace picture, every voicemail, every text message....well you get the point. It is almost 8 months since we last spoke but I still think about him every day,I still know his cell no. off by heart.I've dated other guys....all of whom were offering more than his slippery self could ever muster up to give. I guess you can get rid of all the physical evidence but how do you delete the emotional harddrive?
LOL @ QB...I need to have a Packrat Party and get rid of all this stuff. Some of it doesn't even make SENSE.
@16%: Excellent questions!! I feel fine - not great - fine. That was a big step. I feel a little like a kid whose mom is leaving her at daycare for the first time. You KNOW it's gonna be ok, but you can't help but feeling like you wanna cry, cause it symbolizes a change of sorts. I'm not good with change. LOL. And yes, I can honestly say that he was my first love, not to reduce his significance - actually knowing the way how I was before, that's pretty significant! :)
@Anonymous: I have kept the emails and the mementos and the memories. Nor would I try to get rid of those. I think maybe you misunderstood what I was saying. It wasn't so much that I was trying to obliterate him from my life, it was really more about the toothbrush, i.e. something that I knew he probably won't have the opportunity to use it again and hasn't for a long time, so it was pointless holding on to it.
I don't think you ever get rid of the feeling, or that you should even TRY to. It's how you feel, and I'm sure y'all probably had some wonderful times...when you're ready, you'll move on emotionally, don't force it.
Happy Wednesday, yall!!!
don't feel bad. I have ticket stubs and programs from college. i have an invitation to a friends' 18th bday party (that if he was alive, he'd be 33 now)..i have graduation cards from HS. i have clothes I've NEVER worn, books i'll NEVER read, shoes I'd be crazy to wear, classnotes from undergrad, emails from 5 years ago...i could go on. but all JUST IN CASE one day I want them...it would be ok if I didn't move so damn often!!!
when it comes to ex's though, with the exception of one in college, I've thrown out just about any reminder from gifts to pictures, and pawned anything of value....
i was cleaning on the weekend, and i found an old card from my ex. i couldn't bring myself to throw it out...at first. but then i thought about how it made me feel - kind of sad, very angry, the embarassed feeling you get when someone makes a fool out of you. and i shredded it...and i went looking for all the other cards he'd ever given me, so i could shred them too.
lol @ pawning anything of value!
i have all kinds of receipts, ticket stubs & programs, "friendship" bracelets...all technically useless junk, but they represent memories that i want to hold on to, so i'll probably keep them for a while...or forever...
HI - I'm the oppositie I suppose & it actually works to my detriment. I toss out receipts as soon as I get home - and that has caused me to have a few tight Jeans in my closet.
I'm a man...so I dont keep remnants of past relationships around - they tend to fuck up future possibilities.
Her:: whats that??...ME::..OOh.. Ole Girl I Broke up with..that was her Thursday Panty corner!
I keep said remnants in the back of the closet...behind them tight jeans I Cant wear nor return to the store.
Recently went thru a box of Cards...and Almost Cried when Erica wrote I was her Favorite Chocolate Drop**bites the back of hand** (she use to say it with her English Accent...instant Lumber)
LMAO @ italjockey
"Her:: whats that??...ME::..OOh.. Ole Girl I Broke up with..that was her Thursday Panty corner!"
well I'm holding on to the hope that a cheap flight will drop from the sky so I can go home for carnival...yeah holdin on real tight.
But I think its a subconcious thing that we do with "holding on"...its like a memory, it comes in and out when prompted, however we don't really plan to do it. Holding on to an old sock, t-shirt or something is somewhat of holding on to that level of comfort you felt by that person...nothing wrong with it BUT 3 YEARS FOR A RECEIPT MAN? NAH...yuh need a lash.
I have held on to alot..a watch i received as a gift but couldn't wear because I can't wear watches, I still have the cork from the wine bottle from our first date back in 2002, and some other nonesensical things collected along the way on that ride I was on called love.
But it is liberating to know that when you do get rid of those things you sort of set the wheels turning again
It really isn't easy letting go.
Cute picture.
Why not call him "A guy I used to go out with?". Don't place him on any pedestal at all!
LMAO @ "pawned anything of value"...I thought us Sags were the sentimental sensitive type...u messin' up my "strong, silent, artist-in-angst" angle I'm workin' over here, COE.
@Ital, you're such an arse...I can't even read the stuff u say with a straight face. Damn Bajans...can't yall be serious about anything?! LOL.
@Madbull: Yes, I s'pose I could call him a guy that I went out with, but he's not just a guy that I went out with. I don't think of it as putting him on a pedestal, more giving him the respect of having some relevance and permanence in my life and for impacting the person I am today.
"A guy I went out with" could mean Adonis, Slim Shady or anyone else...
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