Front Street: 5 Reasons I Can't Date A Famous Person

I'm a private person. I don't like my business out on Front Street, and even though I have this blog, there are still things that are personal and off-limits.

So I went to the album release party for an artist this weekend. There were TV cameras and photographers everywhere. There were about 50 people crammed into VIP, which was about the size of my cubicle. It was hot; people stunk; and everyone was just trying to get next to the man of the hour. I left there with a new respect for people who are able to date celebrities. I would really have to know the person waaaay before they became a celebrity to commit to that kinda tomfoolery (yeah, I said "tomfoolery"). So I came up with 5 reasons why I couldn't date a celebrity.

The inability to have a good argument/fight. I'm not one for drama, and I don't really like to argue. But if I'm upset, I'm upset dammit! Dating someone in the public eye, you have to put your best face forward at all times. So basically, dude and I could have just had a MAJOR argument, but I have to go out with him in public and grin like a cheshire cat when all I want to do is hold his head under a pillow 'til his pulse slows. I dunno how long I could deal with always having to put on the all-is-well charade.

Always having to be picture perfect/camera ready. It's very easy for me to take a bad picture - so easy that all you have to do is point and click. My pictures are notorious for being unflattering - as a matter of fact, my friend Heather had to delete my pictures from New Year's Eve because I looked like a drag queen. So imagine me dating someone famous and always having the potential to be captured on film. Forever. The pressure would be too much; I'd probably never leave my house.

Always working around his schedule. Famous people have to maintain their fame, so I assume it means appearances, tours, interviews and whatever else they do to stay in the public eye. If I'm having a bad day at work, I'd like to be able to call up my honey and vent about it. I don't wanna talk to an assistant, a manager, or leave a message, dammit. This goes for spending time together as well.

People are always around. That situation I witnessed with the artist this weekend would annoy me to no end. I hate crowds and I hate feeling like I'm trapped in one. I'll elbow somebody in the neck for being all up in my personal space - fan or no fan. And always being caught up in an entourage or a mass of screaming female fans or just PEOPLE???!! Aaaaaaaaaaargghhhh! I'm gettin' annoyed just thinking about it.

Living my life on Front Street. Between the rumors, the groupies, the haters, the media and the lack of private time - it'd all just be too much for me. Break ups are hard, but can you imagine going through a public one where everyone knows your business? Sheesh. And what happens when the break up is due to infidelity? I'd stab a dude with a tetanus-ridden, rusty knife for cheating on me in public. Can you imagine reading about your significant other's infidelity in the morning paper? Not a good look.

I'd have to know you reeeeeeeeeallly well to sign up for the celebrity girlfriend job.

(P.S.: to all my friends who are wondering how I can say these things and still swoon for Collie Buddz, Stephen Marley and Buju Banton...have no fear. I never plan to date any of these men...we'll just go right ahead and skip to marriage. LOL.)

Here's your chance to be famous...say somethin'!