The Turtle

Many years ago, I had a dating spell with one of my fraternity brothers. Now I normally don't dip my pen in company ink, but he was a really, really nice guy with an amazing personality...and he was statistically gorgeous. Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm. (Excuse me, I needed a moment).

So anyway, we went to the movies and dinner regularly for a couple months, and then I started inviting him over to my apartment for Sunday dinner. We'd eat and lay on my bed watching TV until it was time for him to go. Four months passed this way - without a hand hold, a massage or evensomuch as a kiss.

I called The Girls together for an emergency conference and laid it out on the line: "Do you think he's gay?" They'd all met him, and they didn't.

"No, he's obviously really into you. Do you see the way he looks at you?" said one.
"He's just shy, and you're probably intimidating him." said another.
"Maybe you need to give him more overt signals that you're into him." suggested the third.

I've been told that (aside from my dazzling personality that just lights up a room) my legs are my best feature. The next week, I invited him over for dinner and brought out the big guns: the shorts. He was impressed; he couldn't stop complimenting my legs and even rubbed them a few times. We laid in bed talking about legs; he might've said I had the nicest ones he'd ever seen. Still nothing. No kiss, no inadvertent brushing across the breast. Nothing.

This went on for a couple weeks. One day as we were walking to the train, I asked him: "How come you've never tried to kiss me?"

He laughed uneasily. "Was never the right time, I guess." I could see that I'd made him nervous, so I let it slide. Another month went by. Still nothing. I'd had enough...I told him that I needed a break. We stopped speaking.

Fast forward a couple years. I ran into him at a club during one of my let's-just-try-to-be-friends bouts with First Love. He looked amazing. My girls were tactful about the situation: "You see how fooooine he is?! Girl, you totally screwed that one up, cos' he's gorgeous...you shoulda waited."

We reconnected that night, exchanged information, and went out a couple times. I was honest with him about why I'd put on the brakes the first time around. He told me that he'd been into me but didn't know why he hadn't made a move. Said he'd felt a little pressured and like it was never the right time. "What time's more right than when you're in my bed?" I asked. He admitted I was right.

So we started going out on dates again. And three months later - although he'd gotten a little more forward and touchy - there was still nothing. I decided that it was never going to happen. We talked and I told him that I was shutting down all (nonexistent) advances. "From this point on, we'll just be friends." I said. "The physical anticipation of what could happen is giving me anxiety attacks." So now we're just friends. We speak occasionally, but we've both decided there'll be no romance. It's not like I wanted the guy to be constantly trying to get down my pants, but I think if you added up all the times, we dated for almost a year. A year without so much as a kiss or some other indication that you're physically attracted to me?! That's just crazy.

Life is about balance. Balance says that a relationship can't be made up of two turtles. In relationships, I am the turtle, so obviously dude's gotta be the hare. A hare - a dude that takes charge of the situation and doesn't need handholding - is more my speed (no pun intended). As gorgeous and and sweet as Turtle was, I think if I'd continue to date him, I'd still be waiting on that kiss...two years later.

Sad part is, I think Dreamy Dread is a turtle. So's this other guy that I've been flirting with since Thanksgiving (another blog for another time). Sometimes, slow and steady doesn't win the race.

Are you a turtle or a hare?