Divorcing The Couch/The Undateables
But it's gotten to the point where I've worn a butt-groove into my couch. No, I'm serious. My dad recently came to visit from Jamaica, and he actually suggested re-arranging the couch so that the groove wasn't that obvious. I didn't think it was that bad...until I had to sleep on it and my mid-section disappeared into the groove. Someone recently told me that I'm wasting away the best years of my life. LOL. Maybe it's time to divorce the couch.
So I'm getting back in the dating game (to my friends who're reading this, I know I've said this before, but this time I MEAN it!). But before I do, I have a couple types of guys that I can't date (c'mon, you didn't just expect me to jump RIGHT back in, didja?). I know 16% is anti-lists and types, but I think it's important to have an idea of the types of people you don't mesh well with, so without further ado:
The Addict: You might think this is blatantly obvious, but believe me it's not. Some people thrive on dating people who are dependent on something, because those kinds of people are weak. And I'm not just talking about drugs either; I can't date a dude who's addicted to anything (Sunday afternoon football and video games are included). I just don't understand an addictive personality. We wouldn't get along because I wouldn't have the patience.
The Famous Person: Back when I was in JA, young and naive, I used to have a boyfriend (which, back then meant we held hands and kissed - no tongue) who was pretty popular. The minute I started going out with him, I started getting dirty looks from chicks, rumors of his infidelity, and a few threats. I decided right then and there that I couldn't date someone who was in the public eye. I can't deal with the bullshit. Plus I'm a pretty private person (trust me, I realize the irony) so I couldn't deal with having a public relationship.
The Type A Personality: I'm a pretty uptight chick sometimes. I can't date a dude who's more uptight than I am. I need the ying to my yang, someone who's a little more spontaneous than I am and who balances me out well.
The Indecisive Dude: I make decisions every day at my job. I like a dude who will take charge of the date. Sure he can ask me what I want to do, but I shouldn't have to plan the date.
"No-Ambition Nigel": I like when a guy has goals and is passionate about something (as long as it's not drugs or video games or anything that won't make him a better person). If he's just content to meander through life, without any thought of the future or complaining about how much further he could've been if "so and so didn't happen", then we can't date.
"I've Got No Personality...But I Drive A Hummer!": There are some guys who think that because they're attractive and successful, own a house, car, etc. and have money to spend, that they don't need to do anything else and you should be glad to be dating them. Those are the type of dudes who will constantly refer to their possessions or accomplishments on a date, but have the personality of a white wall. I don't care what you have, who you know, or what you've done; if you can't make me laugh or engage me in a conversation that has nothing to do with brand names, I'm not interested.
The Cocky Dude: I like guys who are physically attractive...but I also like 'em to be humble about it as well. A dude that knows he's good looking and acts like it is a major turnoff.
So there you have it...the types of dudes I will not date. I'm getting back into the dating game! And to my friends, I promise I'll go out on a date with anyone who asks me (provided he's not one of the types I just mentioned and he's ok with my "before-you-date-me" FYI). Scout's honor.
Let the dating begin...
posted by SimplEnigma @ 7:48 AM
19 comments
19 Comments:
I missed out on the holding hands and kissing (no tongue) type of boyfriend! Back then, maybe even the first peck happened after a couple of dates. But, those were the days of two week couples as well.
I'm really excited about Cinequest this week. I'm looking forward to the movies I've chosen to go see as if they were dates.
What was the reason for your departure from the dating game?
One might classify you as an addict too seeing you have parked your ass infront of the tv for so long there is now a butt groove in the couch lol
@Des, I thought these were the days of two-week couples...at least that's how long my liaisons always last. LOL.
@Adrian: I departed from the dating game because I was in love and I wasn't ready to move on. But throwing out the toothbrush was a defining moment in my journey. In the words of the indelible Tony Matterhorn: "mi back, mi back, mi back, mi bloodclawt back!" Hehe...
Y'know, by Jove I never thought of it that way before, but I guess I could be considered an addict. Except that I don't need to sit in front of the tube...I do it because there's nothing else to do and I wasn't ready to start dating yet. But I think that by rationalizing it, I'm sounding even more like an addict. "Naw man, I don't need to smoke weed, I do it because I want to!" LOL.
Mirrors are very seldom flattering...
You know I like your blog alot and it may be the southern boy in me but I don't agree with going half on the first date. I'm not saying your going to bruise a guy's ego but men like to feel like men and that mean paying for things.
BTW, I had no idea you were from JA.
Ok... so you say you're going to date again. Good for you. The type of man you've decided to put on the date-deletion list seems on point. You might want to go easy on what you may consider an addiction though. You know I love my Giants and make it my business to watch their game every Sunday, but I might be willing to tape the game for the right female. He may even invite you over to watch the game with him... trust me, this is a good way to really see into what this dude is like because his guards will be down when he gets emotional over the game. Just watch it with him while you 2 interact and everything will be fine. Besides, if he is a sports fan, the days/times that you two would probably date won't conflict with his games in most cases. Cold ass winter Sundays are better spent inside anyway. Just be careful if you guys get comfy enuf for you to rest your head in his lap (you know, pillow on his lap)... he may see a great, game deciding play and push you off because he can't contain his exitement. Don't take it personal. :-)
Bush Babee: I don't mind a guy paying for the date, but I'll offer to pay half or leave the tip or something. It's just how I was raised...my Dad always tells me: "Never go out with your two long hands swinging." which basically means at least TRY to contribute something. If he wants to pay, I won't wrestle him to the floor trying to grab the check from his hands...all I'm saying is that he shouldn't be offended if I offer.
@Jeans Fetish...you sound like an apologetic addict yourself...LOL. I'm sorry I cannot, and never will, understand how a game takes precedence over a woman. Ever. Nothing anyone does will ever convince me. Trust me, I understand, I'm a football (soccer) fanatic myself and when World Cup is on, I often drag myself into the office all bleary-eyed from trying to watch every single game. However, if I'm feeling a dude and he wants to hang, he'll always come first.
Get 'em Enigma!
So anyone who asks you, huh?
So are you going to blog the first date?
Since you're a Soccer fan you should be able to forgive a little English Premier League addiction.
Yup anyone who asks me - as long as they don't mind my FYIs and they aren't one of the types I can't date...and as luck would have it, shortly after posting this I got a call from a dude that I used to admire - that was until he damn near trampled me to get to a celebrity...did I mention that this was a MALE celebrity?
But since he does not fall into one of the aforementioned categories, and since I didn't have the foresight to add "Dudes That Do Shit That Makes Me Uncomfortable" to my list, if he asks me out, I'm gonna go.
I haven't decided if I'm gonna blog the first date...I think if he's nice and I'm feeling him, I won't. Unless I tell him and he's oh-so-cool with it...which never happens...ok, once. I'll see how it goes. But I guess I have to get asked out first, huh? LOL.
Re: Premier League...it's not an addiction if it's something we can BOTH enjoy. LOL. But I think I should've added Chelsea Fans to my types that I can't date. Hehe.
ummm so now that you've eliminated most any eligible man in new york, what's next???? LOL LOL
good luck on returning to the world! and even if you don't go on a lot of dates, do something and get off that couch!!! :)
Hey simplE I think we are going in cycles here.. I have given up on the dating. Since meeting the man I thought I could really go for (Mr Brisbane) all others are cardboard..
I love your couch groove btw.. love it.. I have butt spread from my computer chair.. it may be ergonomical and great for my back health.. but I don't think my arse has ever been this wide!!
it's been a while for me too. as someone who watched an insane amount of television, thanks to tivo and netflix, i have to check my couch for a butt groove...lol!
Is their anyone left for you to like? lol I think everyman has a little bit of those traits in them.
Good Luck Sista!
Is their anyone left for you to like? lol I think everyman has a little bit of those traits in them.
Good Luck Sista!
LMAO @ COE: What's next, you ask? New Jersey or Connecticut.
@Kimba: I'm sure you'll come around...First Love had me down in the doldrums for a bit, but you've gotta fight that nothing-compares-to-you feeling and get back out there.
Nahmix: you have Tivo...there's no excuse for you to be on the couch. None. LOL.
@Big: Everyone has traits of a famous person (I don't understand how you could have the trait of a famous person, you either are or aren't, but lets say for argument's sake that there is such a trait) or an addict or a cocky bastard who likes to tell everyone how hot s/he is, or someone who can't hold a conversation because they rely solely on their money, looks and material things to get them over? Really? I guess the folks I know without those qualities don't really exist.
Don't sell yourself (or anyone else for that matter) short...
SimplEnigma, everyman was a joke! im sure even the most perfect person has some of those qualities. Im sure you do to.
BigNasty: I'm not looking for perfection, an imperfect person within my standards (and we all have 'em) is all I ask. And yes, I possess unattractive qualities that will make me undateable to someone else. Of that, I'm sure. But:
I'm not an addict; there's nothing that I cannot give up for people I care about. Case in point: America's Next Top Model is on tonight at 8...I love that show, but I'm having dinner with my sorors tonight. So I'll miss it...an addict wouldn't miss it for anything.
I'm not famous.
I do have my Type A moments which, as I said in the post, is the reason I cannot date someone with that personality.
Yes, I'm indecisive....when choosing an outfit, not dating.
I do not have an unambitious bone in my body. Actually, I'm a bit of an overachiever...which is where the Type A personality comes in.
As you can see from my blog, I have quite a personality...and I'm broke, so the personality one doesn't apply to me either.
I don't think anyone who knows me would ever use the word "cocky" and my name in the same sentence, unless it was a dude offering me the gift of one...
I shouldn't be so hard on you.
When I thought about it today, over lunch I came up with a list longer than yours of personality types that I don't like. It makes me wonder who will fit that bill for me. Ultimately, I believe that I will have to compromise or learn to deal better with someones personality flaws.
LOL @ Big...you're not being hard on me - at least I didn't think you were. I get critiqued all the time on my standards, but I make no apologies for them, because I know they're not unrealistic...Now if I said I wanted a 6-foot, 185 lbs. guy, dark skinned, with locs, a great job, no kids, never married, without any of these flaws, making 6 figures, never been to jail, works out regularly, doesn't sleep around, lives by himself, etc., etc., then I might be unrealistic...LOL
Re: your list...I think you have to know where to draw the line. In a previous post I recognized that some of the things that I was picky about were just me being anal.
There's always gonna be some compromise involved...for example, I wouldn't date a famous person, but if I knew someone and then they became famous, that'd be different. Or if I started off dating someone and I was feeling him, then found out he was a king in Africa or something, I wouldn't stop dating him JUST for that reason.
I think it's the folks who have low or no standards and are willing to date anything that darkens their doorstep (pun intended) that need a severe talking to. Hehe.
Picky is good. Anybody complains, you ask them if they would prefer you just being open to just anyone who comes along. HOw special would they feel then?
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