Son of a B!tch?

Name withheld,
Brooklyn, NY

Simplenigma, my boyfriend's mother is a bitch and I don't know what to do about it. I think this woman lives to terrorize my life. She does shady things to me when he's not around and of course I can't bad mouth her because she's his world. (She raised him and his 4 siblings as a single mother). We have talked about marriage and I'm pretty sure we'll be engaged before the year is out, but as much as I love him, I don't know if I can deal with a lifetime of his mother's meanness.

I have been nothing but nice to this woman. When I cook, I always invite her up for dinner (she lives in the basement of my boyfriend's house) and whenever I'm going out of the house, I always call down to see if she needs anything. When she broke her leg, I ran her errands, helped her get dressed and a lot of other stuff her own daughters didn't spare the time to do. Yet she lied to my boyfriend and told him that she'd been downstairs calling me all day and I heard her and wouldn't answer. We had the biggest fight about it. She's caused a lot of problems in our relationship. Why does this woman hate me so much?

Well you know I can sympathize with your plight with the parent. I've had my share of, um, unpleasant experiences with mothers. Interesting living situation, what with having the in-law living right downstairs. How's that working out for you? Oh right, it's not. I'm not surprised. Two women vying for the attention of one man is never a good scenario. Never.

Before you came along she was probably queen of the castle: she made her son's meals; probably had full access to his part of the house; and was a useful part of his life. Now you're there and she has boundaries. She probably feels like she's being edged out, and you're taking her place.

Now let's talk about you: you're up shit's creek without a paddle, m'dear. LOL. Seriously. Unless this woman can miraculously start to like you, this is looking like a lose-lose situation for you:

1. If you come clean about the torment Mommie Dearest has been secretly doling out, you're gonna offend your boyfriend, 'cos he's definitely gonna take his momma's side (don't they always? *sigh*). You'll run the risk of creating even more problems in your relationship.
2. If you come clean and he does believe that his mother's the conniving bitch you say she is, he'll side with you - which will compromise his relationship with his mom (hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, even if it's your mother!). He'll end up resenting you for putting him in that position, the result being the same as #1.
3. If you don't say anything, you'll continue to be miserable, thereby putting a strain on your relationship. He'll probably start to question if he really wants to spend the rest of his life with such a miserable woman, the result being the same as #1.
   

Aren't you glad you asked me for advice? LMAO. I really dunno how to tell you to solve this little dilemma. You could wait until yall are having a hot, passionate session, and then right as he's about to enjoy sweet release you yell, "Sometimes your mother isn't so nice to me. I want you to do something!"...On second thought, the mention of his mother at such a crucial moment could probably send him right over the edge and have him in therapy for a good many years.

I suggest using the same speech, but maybe in a different setting...like say, an evening out together. Just tell him that there's something bothering you, tell him what it is, say you love him and that you're committed to developing a good relationship with his mom, and ask him how to go about doing it. If he's a good man, he'll try to initiate a discussion with you and his mom, and help bring his two favorite women together.

I know I could've just said that from the beginning...but where's the fun in that?