The Ex-It Strategy...

"Cow neva know di use of 'im tail, til it gone." (A cow never knows the use of it's tail until it's gone) - Jamaican proverb

For the second time in less than a year, I found myself counseling a guy who'd broken up with his girlfriend, regretted it, had just gotten the news that she'd moved on to someone else and was devastated. Ok, if you're my friend (first time), cos that's what friends are supposed to do. Not so hot if you're a guy I'm dating.

So I recently went on a date with one of my three prospects. (Keep in mind that I usually deliver these stories with a bit of lag time, so more dates could've happened between then and now). He'd had a "bad and emotionally draining day and was not his usual self." No problem, I thought, we all have bad days.

"Stressful day at work?" I asked.
"No. I just found out my ex got engaged."

Now how does one respond to such a statement in a new dating situation? I didn't know whether to congratulate him or give him my condolences. But since he said it was a bad day, I assumed the latter would be more appropriate. Then I really started to think (I know, it always gets me in trouble) about what this meant. It could mean that:
a) he's not over her
b) he's not over her, but there's the possibility that dating me could be what he needs to get back to his former self (or not, which is more in line with my track record);
c) he's not over her, but he's being open and honest with his emotions, so it's a good start; or d) he was over her, but hearing that she's gotten engaged has him questioning whether he really was over her to begin with.

Noticing a pattern here?

So the end of evening was spent discussing the ex's new status and their tumultuous relationship, instead of engaged in the scandalous street-pashing session I'd intended. Ok, so we did still have the street-pashing, but by then I'd lost my motivation to inject even a requisite dose of scandal into it.

As you can imagine, I was pretty ticked off. This whole situation interfered with my opportunity to get a really good pash, and there are two things I don't like people messin' with: my opportunities and my food. So now I'm gonna have to rant about it:

Why do people break up with a significant other, then regret it?? The person isn't new, they had all those saaaaaaaaaame qualities when you broke up with them, so why is it that you're just realizing how great those qualities are now?

And furthermore, if you know you're not over your breakup, why are you in the dating pool, fucking up the water for the rest of us? Dammit, take some time off and chill out poolside 'til you deal with your reservations, issues or whatever's bugging you.

Don't mess up my pashing opportunities...they're few and far between.