Failure to Launch
"DC"
This is really embarassing. I haven't even told my friends about it. I met a guy a few months ago when we all went out. He is the best looking guy that ever approached me. He has a nice body and is really sweet and thoughtful. at first I thought he was gay but then after I started speaking to him I realized he was just a sweet, sensitive, caring guy. We went out a few times and on date 5 I agreed to spend the night. We started fooling around and he got very excited. I could feel how excited he was. Then I undressed and he literally deflated right in front of me. I tried to get him excited again, but it didn't work. He said it wasn't me, that he'd been very stressed and that he'd just been so excited to be with me. I felt a little self conscious and awkward, but I let it slide.
The next day he apologized again, and I shrugged it off like it wasn't a big deal but it really made me feel like seeing me naked caused him to lose it. Since then we've tried a couple of times with the same result and now I'm starting to get a complex that I'm turning him off. And it's not like I'm overweight or flabby or anything like that. He's really nice in every other way so I want to say something (we haven't spoken about it since the first time) but I don't know if it's my place. And if i say something, what should I say? I've heard that nagging can make it worse.
So here's what we're working with:
- Your initial feeling was that he was gay.
- You "realized" he wasn't.
- He was excited when you had your clothes on.
- Then his, erm, "ego" deflated as soon as he saw you naked.
- He attributed the first time to being overexcited, but had nothing to say about the other times.
Secondly, I'm no mathematician, but these sequence of events just aren't adding up.
- You should always go with your gut; female instinct is more powerful than we realize.
- Did you ask dude if he was gay? Unless you're my closeted brother, one cannot "realize" someone's sexual preference by their actions.
- Common sense says that if he was soooo excited when you had your clothes on, then he should be even more excited when you had your clothes off. I'm almost sure that's the way it works. And obviously attraction isn't a factor since he approached you and took you out on several dates.
- In the same vein, I think being overly excited leads to an early launch, not a failure to launch. The absence of - er, how do I put this delicately - any physical proof of his excitement is quite disconcerting.
- Finally, I can understand being overexcited and "stressed at work" the first time, maybe even the second time, but after that? Nah, dread. Dude either has a problem he's unwilling to come clean (no pun intended) about, or he's gay.
Seriously, tell me if you can think of something worse...
(Psst, here's a little tip: next time get undressed with your back to him so he's only looking at your bum...if he launches, abort mission immediately 'cos dude's gay.)
Labels: Reader's Questions
posted by SimplEnigma @ 3:45 PM
13 comments
13 Comments:
The last warning was a classic....i have yet to meet a fella i thought was gay, who was good looking enough for me to want to try my hand at attempting to convert him...
Your warning at the end was hilarious but also the truth. Any time I think a dude is gay I let him know and dip.
Um you should definitely tell dude something...I just learnt in med school that erectile dysfunction could be a sign of more serious health problems so you should get your boy to the doctor...it may not be all in his head (no pun intended;)
Gay? Maybe not. He might be definitely interested but 'medically unable' if you know what I mean. Better he checks with his doctor. Could be more serious than he thinks.
I'm thinking if he's really gay, he'd know it after that long series of dates, and would have withdrawn from going out.... even if impolitely (not calling or showing interest).
So indications are he's not really gay, more likely embarassed about first time, or stressed about it, and not getting the right help.
Hi,
Speaking as a man there could be a myriad of issues why he lost his ability to "rise to the occasion'. He could very well be a virgin and as a result become overly concerned about performance issues.He could also have E.D. and not know how to cope. If she really cares for this guy then a frank and honest discussion of his sexual preference is the only way to get to the bottom of(pun intended)whether he is gay.
Girl, you crack me up so much. Just had a good laugh re the last comment on my blog.
he gay
classic...i love the last bit of advice. however, i do also agree with the anon comment about having an honest conversation.
LMAO @ "he gay"...Why do I know who left that comment?
Jumbie said: "I'm thinking if he's really gay, he'd know it after that long series of dates, and would have withdrawn from going out..." LMAO. You're so cute...Sadly, if that were true there would be no need for DL men; or women who've been married for 20+ years to one day discover that their loving husband and father of their children likes it up the arse. Remember the Governor of NJ? LOL.
I'm not saying that the dude doesn't have medical problems...but I find it very interesting that the males are the ones who are quick to say it's ED. If this were ED, and happening on such a consistent basis, don't you think he'd have gone to the doctor already and gotten help, rather than suffer through the embarassment of not being able to perform with a woman he really likes?
Which man among you would prefer to have this awkward situation on your hands rather than going to the doctor? Instinct says to me that after the first two times, most of you wouldn't put yourself in that position a third time without having it checked out...
If this were ED, don't you think he'd have gone to the doctor already and gotten help, rather than suffer through the embarassment of not being able to perform with a woman he really likes?
no. i was thinking e.d., too. the bf of a friend of mine had the same issue several times. they just kept trying and eventually it worked out very well for them. he might wanna get checked.
I disagree. A boyfriend (i.e. one who is in a comfortable, committed relationship) is different from someone you've been on a couple dates with, IMO.
The same way most women won't tell a dude they're dating that they have a vaginal infection I think is the same way a dude would want to avoid an awkward performance with a new chick, as opposed to someone he's been with for a while, who knows him.
DC, I really would like to hear how this thing develops, so please email me back. :)
Man that is frustrating. I have had similar experience and the relationship fizzled before it could even start.
It's quite possible that a man could have gay tendencies and still go after a girl. Why? Cuz sometimes they're struggling with the possibility and thinking that they can 'fix' themselves. You know, by forcing themselves to be with the oppposite sex, the 'gayness' will go away. Some men with gay tendencies are distressed about it and try to fight it.
I'm thinking that if a dude has E.D. he'd be so embarassed about it, that he'd probably just not call her again. If you're a gay man trying to fight it, you're more motivated to put up with a few embarassing incidents if there's a possibility that sticking with the plan will 'cure' him.
Girl, I can't believe your advice at the end. hehe. Crazy woman. lol. I'd be interested in what the result of that little experiment would be though :)
OK... dude may be gay, cuz he keeps trying to the same result. like he's trying to fool himself.
Dudes with ED are usually quite embarrased of it happening and don't come back for more..
The other possibility that was skirted but not explored too much is that he could just not be that into her. Is she sure that there is nothing about her that he just can't get over??...
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