Channeling Grace Jones (Pull Up To My Bumper?)
These last two weeks have been strange. Very, very strange. It seems like every good thing that's happened has been immediately followed by something not-so-good, and the two kinda cancel out each other which leaves me back at square one. Cases in point:
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The Good: I received an email from Essence magazine about their "30 Dates in 30 Days" initiative, where they select one lucky woman and send her out with 30 eligible bachelors (who've been background checked). They wanted me to come in for an interview. I was excited because I'd heard that the search was over. If they're inviting me in after the search is closed, it must mean that they're interested, right?
The Bad: I showed up to the event; they're auditioning the 30 men who will date Ms. Right (whom they've already found, by the way). By some mistake, I was lumped into the pool of men (strange, considering I signed my RSVP with my very female name). And to add insult to injury, the event was held in the lobby of the Time, Inc. building, instead of in the editorial offices so I couldn't even schmooze and "inadvertently" leave my resume and writing samples on their receptionist's desk.
The Result: Since I was there, I looked over the prospects; a few goodlooking men - no one that'd make me do a double-take on the street though. But I'm sure they probably have lots more going for them than just the outer features. A couple of them even gave me the twice-over. Take that, Ms. Right!
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The Good: After my recent dating disasters, I finally meet a guy I like. He's goodlooking, he's tall, he's got personality...the works. We get along fabulously!
The Bad: He's not over his ex.
The Result: I'm torn...I know how hard it is to find someone you connect with on a lot of different levels, but it's been waaaaaaay too long since his breakup for me to have to deal with those issues.
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The Good: I meet THE perfect guy - there's NOTHING wrong with this man. He's a great catch...
The Bad:..for someone else. I don't know what it is, but I'm not feeling any romantic chemistry at all with him. Believe me, I tried, but it's just not happening, and I really don't want this guy to be a fungus.
The Result: I have the perfect girlfriend in mind for him, but I don't know how to introduce The Switch. Our mutual friend thinks it's trifling of me to even think of suggesting my friend. He says it sounds like a consolation prize (i.e. "You can't have me, but here's my great friend!"), which is insulting both for Mr. Perfect and my friend. My girlfriend, by the way, is ok with the idea of a meeting. *sigh* Men can be so emotional sometimes!
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The Good: They finally made me an offer on the VP position I've been hankering for for the past 3 months. The offer was just what I'd been planning to demand, so I verbally accepted on the spot. I know, it's bad to do that, but I have a few friends that worked at the company who'd told me not to expect as much as they offered.
The Bad: Two hours later, they made a 5% reduction in the salary offer, saying they'd made an "administrative miscalculation" and the req. for the job didn't go that high.
The Result: Now I'm conflicted; It would be good to be a VP at one of the world's largest companies - all at 28. But I don't know if I want the job anymore, cos I think that was shady...back to the negotiating table.
You might be wondering what all this has to with Grace Jones (believe me, there's a point in here somewhere). I recently did an article on her (trust me, I'm well aware of the irony) for a magazine (which reminds me I need to start doing my freelance writing under a pseudonym - can't have my worlds colliding), and have come to the conclusion that every now and then I need to institute my own personal Grace Jones Day. It would probably cut down on the occurences of these Good/Bad scenarios.
I already know that this couldn't be an everyday thing; I have way too much social anxiety to maintain a fierce *air snap, bring it 'round* personality for more than one day. But on Grace Jones Day, I could be fierce and fearless and not give a flyin' fish about who I piss off in the process. Imagine that!
Grace Jones would know how to handle a dude who wasn't over his ex. She probably wouldn't worry about romantic chemistry and all that useless drivel. She'd have given her number to all the goodlooking guys at the Essence shindig - and probably would've taken one home that very night to boot! And she certainly wouldn't stand for a 5% salary reduction after a verbal agreement!
And best of all, I'd get to walk around with my breasts out and people would think it's totally normal...
Labels: Predicaments, Simply SE
posted by SimplEnigma @ 3:49 PM
12 comments
12 Comments:
Life is like that, isn't it.
On the VP offer, if its something you really want, take it, money comes with passion and time.
On the fella, follow your instinct and run. No matter how wonderful and compatible, issues like ex-girlfriends don't go away. You could meet him again in time, and things could be different.
do you love annon advice??
Loved the Miss Right mishap....
They bunched you with the guys? lol you could have done some inside work and stolen one of them from Ms. Right :p or maybe it wasn't a mistake and Ms. Right swings both ways.
Re the vp position, what are we talking about anyway? vice president? If so 5% reduction don't sound so bad :p it should be big money anyway :D
If its the job you always wanted I say take it... money isn't everything after all and you should get the 5% back when you get your annual raise right?
As for the guy who isn't over his ex... did he say that or is this based on the signs you wrote about in your previous posts?
You should have a Grace Jones Day EVERY WEEK...it's liberating (***shhh** don't tell anyone, but...I have mini GJ Days every day)
The Job: lady and fellas...it's about the principle! Stick to your guns SE, do the negotiation
...don't let them think you will easily be cowed...yes, you know you shouldn't have accepted verbally (my instincts were SCREAMING when I read that), BUT let them know that you are AWARE of how things are played, and you will politic politely to get what is your due. VP comes with more headaches...so that money comes line...although true...is bunk in this case...when money is already there, but being hoarded cause the bigger heads think one is not savvy enough to understand what an "administrative miscalculation" really embodies.
The Men: Friend pass-offs, aren't as bad as they sound. You've done the leg work, you know the common links, now it's about finessing the swap LOL I have faith you can do it...a group date with an emergency work call is a great way
to get them together.
For the Mr. who's not over his ex...how long has it been for him? And then think how long it took for you. Why not go along on the friend tip for a while: no rehasing his past relationship nor sabotoging the possibility of a a relationship with you by doing one of your famous psycho-analyses...
just date...patience may be the key.
And HOW could your name be mistaken for a dude!? Hmmm, did you get any type of consolation prize from Essence for their fluck up?
Pull up to my bumber baby, in your long black limousine? Wow! My company hit me with the same kind of BS on the salary last week. Go for the throat, they always want you to think about the other benefits of work when it comes to salary. And think about how long it will take you to get to that 5% thru cost of living and bonus and increases, you'll be kicking yourself from now til then for all the accomplishments you make in the mean time.
I say channel an alter ego, whatever takes to get your swag, just don't loose sight of the split in consciousness and become a Zane Character.
Wow, you guys actually gave some pretty solid advice! Hopefully, this doesn't turn out like the Slim Shady fiasco. LMAO.
I've always talked about the merits of having a mentor. Now I realize more than ever how important it is. My mentor basically talked me down off the ledge because I was gonna flat out refuse the job - just on principle. Her rationale:
"Exactly a year ago, you were a coordinator, making 60% less than what you'd be making at this job. In one year, not only did you get promoted twice; you'll now be a VP. How many people can say a) they had a 60% increase in their salary in a year, and b) they moved from coordinator to VP in a year? Not many."
Basically, it's all a matter of perspective; I can stay there for a few months, then re-evaluate. And if I decide to leave, I'll be way more marketable as well. So I've accepted...now I just have to tell my boss. LOL.
money isn't everything but there comes a when the work is so much that you can't help thinking about it.
Wooohoooo! Congrats on the job!! That deserves a virtual baileys, johnny walker , or whatever you drink. Set a time and I'll raise a glass on this end! LOL
Congrats girl. I'm raising my glass - Cheers - Have a wonderful weekend celebrating.
The good comes before the bad. Someday, it will be reversed and you can really be happy.
A secret agent lives in the shadows and, thus, knows a lot about shady business. Here's a line to use: "I'm feeling very uncomfortable about what happened. I made a committment to take the position but then a clerical error has taken the salary down 5%. I agreed at the higher rate and, if the company can't resolve the issue it's actions are making it clear that it doesn't value my skills or me as a person in the firm. That being the case, I am (and do it) going to stand by to see if you can get those numbers resolved.
Rule #1 in business, you can always get a little more. That 5% here will lead to 25% over the next few years vs 35%. Women don't negotiate smart (not hard)enough. We try to teach this at the Academy but it doesn't seem to stick until we take them to a third world country. Always ask for extra. If they ain't got the dough then they got the company car or a plane. Or all three if you have unique and valuable skills.
Take this to bat, cold and unemotionally. Even if it doesn't work this time it will be good experience next time.
Adrian... She'd have to swing both ways to be a Ms. Right...
SI... You probably lost the moment, but IMNSHO you should have stuck to yer guns... 5% is good money to you, but chump change to the company... If they offered you the position, then you probably had more negotiating power than you felt, perhaps they wanted to see how you handled the situation to allegorize how you would barter on the company's behalf...
...but don't worry, congrats anyway...
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