How to Tell If S/He's Into You...

M.A., 27
New York

Simple Enigma I'm feelin' the blog. I'm a decent looking guy who owns his own business and home. I don't have a problem meeting women, but I'm always skeptical if they're with me because of me, or because of what I have. I'm sure I've messed up a few good things with this attitude. How can I tell if a girl really likes me for me?


I have to admit, it's refreshing to see a dude concerned about whether a girl is into him or not. He's Just Not That Into You spawned a generation of insecure women who analyze every move a dude makes as an indication of his interest (or lack thereof), so it's only right that guys get a taste of that insecurity every now and then. LOL. One day I'll have to dedicate an entire entry to my issues with that book, but today is not the day.

I think the signs of interest are universal, whether you're a dude or a chick (yet another problem I have with HJNTIY). Your situation is a little harder though, because gold diggers are smart. They get a bad rap as chickenheads, but you gotta have something upstairs to feign just the right amount of interest to get a guy comfortable enough to part with his cash. That takes some skill and know-how. So I'm gonna attack this in two ways: How to Spot A Gold Digger and How to Tell If S/He's Into You...

How to Spot A Gold Digger (also works for gigolos like The Starving Artist)

1. If given a choice, they'll always want to go out instead of having a quiet evening in.
2. And they'll always suggest a trendy, expensive place where a bottled water is $10...
   
3. But somehow you'll always end up paying. (Some might even do The Reach.)
   
4. If you DO stay in, it'll most likely be at your place. Gold diggers very rarely want their "marks" in their personal environment.
5. They won't mind if you always have to work late. After all, you're making that money for them to spend, right? Someone who is after more than your money will insist on spending time with you.
   
6. They'll ask you questions about yourself - but mostly as it relates to material things and earning potential.
7. They're typically living above their means. Wearing designer duds with no job (or a low paying job) means they have to supplement their income somehow.
   

Is S/He Into You?

These aren't foolproof, but I bet they're pretty accurate. I'm sure no one is going to go through all this "trouble" if they're only looking to hit n quit. And if they do, it just means that they're really desperate.

They're interested in learning about you. Not just the frivolous questions, like what you do, what you're favorite color is, etc., but things like, what makes you tick, what are your future plans, who are your closest friends, etc.

They remember things that are important to you, and try to incorporate that into future conversations or activities. For example, "I remember you liked basketball...do you want to come over and watch the game?"

They call when they say they're going to. And if they don't, they call as soon as possible afterwards.

They explain themselves. Someone who's interested in you is free with information. For example, if a dude was supposed to call and he didn't, if he's interested he'll tell you why he didn't call as opposed to, "Sorry, I didn't call."

They make plans to see you again - and in various settings. Whether it's, "There's this nice restaurant I want to take you to someday." or "When will I see you again?", someone who's interested will always hint at future plans. If they only want to see you in certain settings (i.e. out at a club, after 12 a.m., or "whenever you're not on your period"), they're probably not interested in the way you were hoping. LOL.

They talk about - or introduce - you to their friends. You ain't a thing, until the friends know about you, in one form or the other.

How can you tell when someone's into YOU?