Anti-Fungal Treatment

Not very many things annoy me:

1. Children
2. People bragging about their children
3. People who interrupt me when I'm speaking
4. Know-it-alls
5. Dumb questions
6. Pretentious/snobby people
7. People who talk a lot
8. Loud, obnoxious people
9. People who interfere with my Creative Zen

Ok, so maybe a lot of things annoy me; and depending on the day, there are potentially a lot more things that annoy me...but today, let's talk about Number 9.

So a few months ago when I made the entry on fungus relationships, many people agreed with me wholeheartedly. So imagine my surprise when I said I wasn't feeling Mr. Perfect how many (of those same people) told me to "give it a chance" and not to "write it off too quickly". My friend "M" even told me that "passion and chemistry don't pay the bills" so if that was the only thing missing from my liaison with Mr. Perfect, then I should go for it. So all these people couldn't be wrong, right? Hmmmmpfhh!!

So I invited Mr. Perfect to go see a foreign film. I gave him a choice of two, and he chose after reading the synopses. Now let me explain something: indie and foreign films, that's my thing. I go to them ALL the time, and I never read what the film's about before I go. I like to be a blank palette so I'm not influenced by critics, reviews, awards, etc. I just choose something and dive in. And when I'm there, I disappear into my Creative Zen.

So we go to watch this film, which is in GERMAN, so you know paying attention is really important 'cos you have to read the subtitles. FIVE minutes into the movie, dude is asking me what I think so far. "I'll tell you when it's done." I respond, my eyes never leaving the screen. I hope he'll take it as a clue into my film-viewing personality. Minutes later, he's asking me another question in lowered voice (not whisper). "We'll talk afterwards," I whisper.

Halfway through the movie, one of the actors gives a joke, which Mr. Perfect doesn't get. "I don't get it!" he says (in normal voice, not a whisper). I ignore him and focus intently on the screen. Two minutes later, he leans over, "I still don't get it." I'm starting to get annoyed. Another short while goes by, "I don't get that joke," he whines like a petulant child. I laugh, not in a ha-ha-this-is-funny sort of way, but because I can't believe this dude is fucking up my Creative Zen over ONE LINE in a 2 hour movie. "I'll explain it later." I say, brusquely...not because I understood the joke, but because I just want him to be quiet. I can't control the annoyance that's creeping into my voice.

He stops talking; now he's looking over at me ever 10 seconds to see my reaction to everything that's going on onscreen. He yawns, fidgets and keeps looking over at me every few minutes. It reminds me of my niece when I take her to events and she's bored. I pointedly ignore him, even though I know he's looking and focus my attention on the screen to let him know how into the film I am. He does the looking thing for the rest of the movie.

The minute the film is over (credits haven't rolled and I haven't had the chance to bask in the afterglow of film), he turns around, "Now can you explain that joke?" I'm flabbergasted; I can't believe that this dude has reduced two hours of award-winning performance to one stupid joke that was less than 10 seconds of the film.

"I'm sorry," I say. "I really didn't get it either."
"So why were you laughing at me, when I said I didn't get it?" he persists.

Annoyance is bubbling in my gut like the time I had that bad curry. I give him some superficial response which really doesn't explain anything, but which seems to pacify him. We discuss the film on our walk to the train; again he trivializes a story about passion, love and human emotion into a cheap version of a blockbuster action film: "I don't understand why there was no justice for the bad guys!" he says over and over again.

I decline his offer to grab a bite to eat. As I ride the subway home, reading A Prayer for Owen Meany in an attempt to rekindle my Creative Zen, I realize that Mr. Perfect and his linear way of thinking is indeed truly perfect for someone else.

Prevention is better than cure...