I'm Not Gay...But My Date Is

Y'know those t-shirts that say, "I'm not gay, but my boy/girlfriend is"? I always thought they were a cute, witty way to show pride in one's homosexuality. Not so cute if you're a straight person who's supposed to be dating another straight person.

I went to an event where Sara Barron (she is seriously funny) told a story about how she got fixed up with a gay dude - who did pirouettes and turns, as she lay naked on the couch in front of him. I kinda feel that way about the dude I'm dating...like I could be standing naked in front of him, and he'd notice the shoebox behind me, and ask: "Are those the new Manolos?"

I've always thought it'd be nice to date a metrosexual; he'd be open to some of my style ideas, he'd keep himself in shape, and he'd understand my compulsion with getting a monthly massage. But after watching this dude work himself into a near-orgasmic frenzy describing a sample sale, now I'm not so sure. Yes, good grooming is important; a sense of style is great; but a dude who notices my shoes in a girrrrrrll-those-are-fabulous sort of way? Not so much.

Dudes, take note: if you're trying to impress a lady, you might not want to mention that you color your hair, or that you live for sample sales...unless you're trying to become her new Gay Best Friend.

Now I understand how dudes feel when I give too much information on dates. From now on, I'll try not to tell the tapeworm story until we've been dating for a good solid month.

Gimme a grimy dude with a little dirt under his fingernails. I don't mind a fixer-upper...