I Don't Know Nuthin' Bout Birthin' No Babies!

"I don't know nuthin' bout birthin no babies, Miss Scarlett!" - Butterfly McQueen, Gone With The Wind

There are some things I've just come to accept:

I won't win the lottery.
Robin Thicke is not going to propose to me.
My forehead won't shrink.
My butt will not get any bigger, unless I start taking the chicken pill.
My mother and I will probably never see eye to eye on anything.
The older I get, the more difficult it will be to meet eligible men who don't already have kids.

Yeah, I'm having a little difficulty with the last one and it's not for the reason you think either. I simply don't have a good track record with kids. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate 'em or anything, but for the most part, I just don't know how to relate to them.

Every time I come into contact with small children, I'm reminded of the time when, left to babysit my niece, I spent 15 minutes trying to put on her pamper, only to realize (much later when my sister got home) that I'd put it on backwards. And then there was the time when I almost drowned my god daughter in a bottle of formula as I attempted to feed her, forgetting that I hadn't yet screwed on the top. And there's that other time...well, you get the picture.

Society creates this image of women as naturally maternal and nurturing. I think I was absent the day they gave those out because I relate best to children when I'm annoying them (I'd affectionately dubbed one of my nephews as Fat Bastard upon the release of Austin Powers' movie, a name which I'm sad to stay has stuck around, even though he's at least a foot taller than I am now, and nowhere near fat...but Christmas wouldn't be Christmas if I didn't do my "crap on deck that could choke a doooooonkey" joke in his honor).

So you see, when I meet a dude and he tells me he has kids, I'm not necessarily jumping for joy. I think less about the "Baby Mama Drama" and more about how much the kid is gonna hate me for taking up their dad's time and what evil things they'll do to get rid of me (I've probably watched the Parent Trap one too many times). But alas, now that I'm older, it's getting a bit harder to find dudes who don't have any kids. And even after I find those dudes, then I have to think about whether they're compatible with my quirky personality. It's a hard knock life I tell ya.

There are some people out there who will not date someone simply because they have kids. I'm not one of them. After all, if either of my parents had been one of those people, I wouldn't be here writing this wonderful top-rated blog that you all enjoy. Hehe. But I still have my requirements:

I draw the line at one kid. Sorry. Maybe I'll change in the future, but my heart just can't take anything upwards of one right now. Besides, the more kids a dude has, the more time he has to spend with them, which means less time for me. What can I say? I'm still in my selfish phase.

I don't wanna meet the kid until it gets serious. The wedding rehearsal dinner should be juuuust about the right time. LOL. Seriously though, it's a lot harder to break off a relationship once you've met the person's kid and have formed a bond with them.

Just because dude has a child, doesn't mean I have to act like I have one too. I like to get up and go on trips, and do spontaneous things. While it would be nice to have my S.O. accompany me, I understand that sometimes fatherly responsibilities might prevent that. I'm cool with dude not going - as long he doesn't expect me not to go too.

LOL...I'm painting a fine picture of myself, aren't I?

How do you feel about dating someone with kids?

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